Tenchi meets The Joker
by weirdbard
Summary: Tenchi finds out that not all clowns are about laughter and fun
1. Best laid plans of maniacs and men

Obligatory disclaimers: I do not own Tenchi Muyo or any of the characters contained there in. I do not own Batman or any of the characters contained there in. The characters are the intellectual property of their respective creators. No profits are being made from this fanfic and it's sole intention is bring (possible) enjoyment to those who read it.  
Look both ways before crossing the street. Don't accept either candy or rides from strangers. And your mileage may vary.  
Thank you and please enjoy the story.  
  
Tenchi meets The Joker  
By Weirdbard  
  
Chapter 1. Best laid plans of maniacs and men   
  
  
The Joker cackled softly to himself as he examined his latest, and to his mind the greatest, experiment he had ever attempted. It took him months of planning and daring thefts to obtain the scientific equipment he needed but now his device was finished.  
  
The central part of the machine sat on a raised platform and looked like a huge punching bag clown with a brightly colored lever in it's side. The machine had cables running from under it to smaller normal looking computer control consoles grouped on the floor around it.  
  
"Gee Mr. J what is it?" Harley Quinn asked as she poked at the large machine sitting in the middle of the abandoned Smiley Face Ice Cream Company building.  
  
"Well Harley girl I call it the Jokeathon." Joker said proudly.  
  
"Um, okay but what does it do?" Harley Quinn asked.  
  
"Do? Do? While this device will only bring mirth and laughter into the boring lives of the unwashed masses of Gotham. Well that is until it ends their lives." Joker finished.  
  
"Ooh!" Harley Quinn cooed appreciatively and then said. "Huh?"  
  
"This device puts out sonic waves that affect people's minds Harley. Sort of like my Joker gas but much better. People will start laughing uncontrollably until they can't even breathe. Everyone in the radius of Gotham will die with a huge smile on their face." Joker explained and then started his ominous giggling that soon gave away to his normal psychotic laughter.  
  
Harley Quinn looked nervously at the machine and then up to the ceiling of the building they were in. Hanging from the rafters of the building were thousands and thousands of brightly colored paper streamers. "Is that what the streamers are for? To protect us from the effects of the machine?" She asked with a trace of worry in her voice.  
  
Joker continued to laugh for a moment and then managed to regain control enough to speak. "What? No, those are just here for atmosphere Harley! Nothing will be able to block the effects of my machine. Even Batman, no matter where he is at in Gotham will be able to resist or stop it."  
  
"Um, but Puddin, that means your machine will kill us as well." Harley said with just a touch of panic in her voice.  
  
Joker with his insane smile on his face just nodded his head. "Of course. What better joke can there be?" He said as he reached out to pull down the large brightly colored lever on the machine's side.  
  
"I don't want to die!" Harley screamed with full blown panic this time.  
  
Racing to the Joker's side she tried to stop him from pulling the lever but with just some manic giggling the Joker swatted her away from the central portion of his machine. Harley Quinn flew a short distance through the air to land beside one of the machine's control consoles on the ground level. Reacting in panic she quickly opened a door in its side and started pulling circuit boards from it as quickly as she could to try and stop the machine from working.  
  
Joker stepped back from the central platform as his machine started to wobble in a circular manner and a deep booming mechanical laughter came from it. Soon his greatest accomplishment would be complete. Mainly bringing a grin to that dreary, stoic Batman's face, oh that and killing him of course.   
  
Suddenly the giant mechanical clown's laughter stopped to be replace with a extremely annoying high pitched buzzing noise. The Jokeathon stopped it's rotating as well and ground to a halt with it leaning on it's side. The buzzing noise however didn't stop but increased even more in pitch and volume.  
  
Joker frowning as much as his permanent grin would allow and looked around in confusion. What was wrong with his masterpiece? Finally he spotted Harley Quinn on the floor with the upper part of her body inside one of the control consoles. As he watched another circuit board came flying out from inside the machine to land in a pile of other boards. His Jokeathon behind him added another low level buzz to join with the others already coming from it.  
  
"HARLEY!" He roared as he leapt off the stairs that lead up to the platform where his machine was.  
  
Harley Quinn quickly pulled herself out of the innards of the control panel to face a enraged Joker. "Now Puddin! I can explain." She nervously said as Joker with glittering eyes began to stalk her.  
  
Glancing up at the roof of the building she suddenly screamed over the buzzing noise of the now broken Jokeathon and pointed at the ceiling. "What is that?!"  
  
Joker placing one hand on his hip looked at Harley critically. "Now come on Harley girl! You can do better than that! Like I, of all people am going to fall for the oldest joke in the book!"  
  
"No. I'm serious! What is that?!" Harley said not taking her eyes off the ceiling.  
  
The Joker began to wonder if this wasn't some kind of joke to get him to take his eyes off of her so she could make a run for it the way her eyes were widening if fear made him think otherwise.  
  
Sparing a quick glance upward and preparing to grab her if she made the slightest attempt to run, he looked up and saw a swirling circular cloud of darkness 4 feet above their heads.  
  
"Heh?" Joker had time to mutter before the swirling disk of darkness dropped down and swallowed both him and Harley.  
  
The disk of darkness continued to lie on the floor for a moment until with a loud bang the Joker's Jokeathon blew a fuse. Instantly the disk faded away leaving only a slight blackened mark on the floor.   
  
The resultant reverse power surge continued to flow away from the abandoned building and blew out streetlights and circuit breakers for miles in all directions.  
  
  
Joker found himself falling down a swirling corridor of clouds and lights. At least he thought he was falling down. Maybe he was falling up? Suddenly the absurdity of that thought caught up with him and closing his eyes he started laughing. Laughter that was immediately cut off when he suddenly slammed face down into the ground.  
  
Not ground like the floor of the abandoned warehouse he had just been in but ground as in soil. Joker managed to think to himself right before Harley landed hard in the middle of his back.  
  
Throwing her off his back Joker quickly scrambled to his feet and immediately made several observations.  
  
1. It was night time at the warehouse he had just been in and now it looked like it was early morning.  
  
2. He was no longer inside, warehouse or anything else. He was now outside.  
  
3. He and Harley appeared to be standing in a open growing field of somethings.  
  
4. He had something stuck in his mouth.  
  
Biting down instinctively, the Joker chewed for a moment before he identified what he was chewing. "Carrots?" He asked out loud in surprise.  
  
Harley Quinn looked around her in shock and reaching out she grasped a carrot by it's leafy green top and pulled it from the ground. "Carrots." She confirmed.  
  
"Where the Sam hill are we?" The Joker growled after spitting out the carrot in his mouth. He hated vegetables. For one thing they were good for you and secondly they always reminded him of Poison Ivy. 


	2. Wake up call

Obligatory disclaimers: I do not own Tenchi Muyo or any of the characters contained there in. I do not own Batman or any of the characters contained there in. The characters are the intellectual property of their respective creators. No profits are being made from this fanfic and it's sole intention is bring (possible) enjoyment to those who read it.  
Look both ways before crossing the street. Don't accept either candy or rides from strangers. And your mileage may vary.  
Thank you and please enjoy the story.  
  
Tenchi meets The Joker  
by Weirdbard  
Chapter 2. Wake up call.  
  
  
Tenchi Masaki was having another typical day in his life. In other words, he awoke to find Ryoko hovering above his bed watching him sleep. After almost a full year of waking to this he managed to keep from yelling and scrambling away and just tiredly said. "Ryoko how many times do I have to tell you not to come into my room while I am asleep?"  
  
"Does this mean I come into your room while you are awake then?" Ryoko asked him in a sultry tone.  
  
Variations of this conversation had occurred almost every single day for the past year so Tenchi didn't bother to overly react to her question.  
  
"Ryoko!" He only said in a warning voice as he threw off his sheets and sat up on the edge of the bed.  
  
Ryoko thought to herself that she was at least making a little progress with Tenchi. At least he didn't stay shaking in the bed clutching his bedclothes with a death grip when she was in his room like he did at first. Now he was at least comfortable enough with her to throw the bedspread off and allow her to see him in his boxer shorts and t shirt.  
  
"Tenchi. I think we are in a rut." Ryoko said in a pouting voice and phased out to reappear sitting beside him in bed a moment later.  
  
Tenchi frowned. This was something new in their usual morning ritual.  
  
"What do you mean?" He asked her.  
  
"Every morning goes the same way." Ryoko answered in mock sadness. "I watch over while you sleep to make sure nothing happens to you at night and every morning you get annoyed with me for doing it. We need to change something." Ryoko sniffed.  
  
Tenchi worried that he may have hurt Ryoko's feelings asked her. "What do you suggest we change?"  
  
"Well for starters, how about this?" Ryoko said and suddenly placing her hand on his right leg she quickly started to slide it up towards his boxer shorts.  
  
"RYOKO!" Tenchi yelled in annoyance.  
  
Ryoko gave a quick laugh and phased out of Tenchi's room. If nothing else she had gotten a rise out of Tenchi this morning. "Not quite the rise I was hoping for but still..." Ryoko thought to herself with a grin as she appeared at the breakfast table.  
  
Ayeka was just rising from the table to march up to Tenchi's room when she heard him yell Ryoko's name but stopped as Ryoko appeared. "What were you doing in Lord Tenchi's room you demon woman?" She screeched at Ryoko.  
  
"Ayeka can I help it if two people in love like to spend time in each other's rooms?" Ryoko said in mock innocence.  
  
"Lord Tenchi is not in love with you and you know it!" Ayeka's voice rose and became shrill.  
  
"Funny. It sure felt like he was in love with me this morning." Ryoko said with a smirk and stressing the felt part.  
  
"What do you mean felt?" Ayeka said her voice nearly going through the roof, taking the bait like Ryoko knew she would.  
  
Mihoshi sitting at the table answered before Ryoko could say anything else. "Why do you let Ryoko get to you like that Ayeka? You know Tenchi is too much of a gentleman to do anything and Ryoko is only saying that to annoy you." Ayeka felt her eyebrow twitch at the way Mihoshi said Tenchi was too much of a gentleman. Mihoshi almost sounded disappointed.  
  
Ayeka pulled herself together. "You are quite right Mihoshi. Everyone knows Tenchi would not do anything like what that demon woman is trying to imply." With that Ayeka sat down at the table again.  
  
Mihoshi looked over at Ryoko. "And Ryoko, you should really stop teasing Ayeka like that! You know how sensitive old maids are to that kind of teasing."  
  
Ayeka her face purpling in rage yelled. "What did you say? I am not an old maid!!!"  
  
Ryoko in a perfect imitation of Ayeka's voice replied. "You are quite right Mihoshi." And then dissolved into a fit of laughter.  
  
Sasami in the kitchen sighed and looked up at Ryo Ohki perched on top of her head. "Sounds like another normal day huh Ryo Ohki?"  
  
The cabbit meowed in the affirmative and both her and Sasami held their breaths and started to silently count. 1. 2. 3. *BOOM* The sound of an explosion rocked the building to be followed by Ayeka's high cackle. "Is that the best you can do monster woman?" Sasami and Ryo Ohki both sighed deeply. Going over to the kitchen counter Sasami picked up a lunch bag and waited by the kitchen door leading outside.  
  
Sure enough a few moments later Tenchi came running into the kitchen. "I can't stop for breakfast Sasami can I just grab something to go?" Tenchi pulled to a halt when he saw Sasami already waiting by the back door with a bag of food for him.  
  
"Gee, maybe Ryoko is correct and we are getting in a rut." Tenchi thought out loud.  
  
Just then a particularly loud explosion rang out from the other room and Tenchi decided that he could wait to think about it more fully later. Grabbing the bag from Sasami, Tenchi thanked her and then was gone to the carrot fields. 


	3. Bringing home clowns

Obligatory disclaimers: I do not own Tenchi Muyo or any of the characters contained there in. I do not own Batman or any of the characters contained there in. The characters are the intellectual property of their respective creators. No profits are being made from this fanfic and it's sole intention is bring (possible) enjoyment to those who read it.  
Look both ways before crossing the street. Don't accept either candy or rides from strangers. And your mileage may vary.  
Thank you and please enjoy the story.  
  
Tenchi meets The Joker  
by Weirdbard   
Chapter 3. Brining home clowns.  
  
  
"This is all your fault!" Joker's voice rang out in the morning light.  
  
"Now Mr. J, I was only thinking it would be a much better joke if we could survive it to see the effects for ourselves!" Harley said quickly as she tried to scoot back on the ground away from the angry Joker.  
  
The Joker paused in mid stalk of Harley. She had a point. While the major part of the joke was to kill Batman with a smile, it would be quite satisfying to be able to see it for himself. The Joker, his moods always quick to change, smiled largely and said. "I just can't stay mad at you for long. Come here baby!"  
  
Harley Quinn stayed on the ground for a moment trying to gauge whether the Joker was over his anger or this was just a trap to get her to come to him. Finally deciding that it was once again, marginally safe, to be around him she quickly leapt to her feet and threw herself into his arms. "Puddin!" She squealed happily.  
  
Tenchi had almost reached the carrot fields when he heard a woman's voice shout something out. He was still too far away to make out what she said but he was sure that it was a woman's voice. Pausing behind some trees at the edge of the fields Tenchi prepared to peek out and see who it was. "I bet its Ryoko come to ambush me in the fields again." He thought to himself. "She hasn't pulled that one in almost several months now."  
  
Tenchi was surprised when he finally mustered up enough nerve to peek out and saw not Ryoko waiting for him but two people he had never seen before standing in his carrot field. There was a tall man wearing bright purple pants and a purple jacket. His face was completely white and his hair was a green that was brighter than the carrot tops in the fields. The woman in his arms was wearing an outlandish costume of red and black. Tenchi after a moment placed seeing something like it from a book on medieval England he had read in school. It was a costume that belonged to someone called a jester Tenchi remembered.  
  
"Um, excuse me." He finally said stepping out into the open.  
  
The Joker quickly released Harley and turned to face the country bumpkin.  
  
  
"Hey kid." The Joker said in his 'happy' voice which usually meant the person he was talking to was soon going to be dead. "Can you tell me what part of Gotham this is?"  
  
"Gotham?" Tenchi asked back in confusion. "There is no where around here with that name."  
  
"Okay." The Joker growled. "How about what part of the United States we are in then?"  
  
"United States?! This is Japan." A shocked Tenchi replied.  
  
"Way to go Harley!" Joker snarled at Harley. His mood already changing again. "You blew us all the way to Japan!"  
  
"Look its obvious that you are not from around here and that something strange has happened. And when strange things happen it is usually best to go and see Washu right away." Tenchi said and made a gesture for them to follow him.  
  
The Joker looked at Harley and shrugged. "Well lets go see this Washu. Whoever that maybe."   
  
As Harley Quinn walked behind Tenchi she began to study him. "He's kind of cute." She surprised herself thinking. "No Mr. J. of course but still kind of cute."  
  
Sasami was in the back of the yard hanging some laundry on the line to dry in the morning sun. Ayeka and Mihoshi were busy repairing the damage that had been done by Ayeka's and Ryoko's morning fight. It happened on such a regular basis that by now they had gotten the repairs down to an art.   
  
Ryo Ohki, her ears perking up, ran around the side of the house to see Tenchi approaching with two people she had never seen before. Always being the curious cabbit she hopped/ran till she reached the group and leapt up on top of Tenchi's head to get a better look at the new arrivals.  
  
"Ack! what is that?!" Harley squealed in shock. She thought at first it was some kind of oversized country rat.  
  
"This is Ryo Ohki." Tenchi said smiling and taking the cabbit off of his head to hold her out so Harley could see her better.  
  
Ryo Ohki looked at the strange white faced woman in front of her and cocking her head to the side she meowed a greeting to her.  
  
"Oh Mr. J. Isn't it cute?!" Harley replied. Carefully reaching out a hand to touch the cabbit lightly on the head she started to pet her. Ryo Ohki allowed the woman to pet her and meowed again in pleasure.  
  
"Yeah. Real cute. Bet someone could make a useful pair of gloves or a wallet out of it's hide." Joker growled to himself. Tenchi too busy watching Harley cooing over Ryo Ohki didn't hear him. Harley taking Ryo Ohki gently from Tenchi's hands turned to show it to Joker better but stopped when Ryo Ohki laid her ears back and hissed in the direction of the Joker.  
  
"Gee, that's funny." Tenchi replied frowning at Ryo Ohki's antics. "She usually gets along with everyone."  
  
Harley noticing the gleam in Joker's eyes quickly stepped back with the cabbit protectively wrapped in her arms. "Mr. J is more of a hyena person, um, I mean a dog person than a cat person." She finally said to Tenchi.  
  
"Ryo Ohki? Where have you gotten off to now?" A young girl's exasperated voice called out. Both Harley and Joker looked in the direction the voice came from and saw a young girl with long blue hair come around the corner of the house that Tenchi was leading them to. She had large violet eyes and was wearing a long kind of dress thing. She pulled to a halt when she saw Tenchi standing with people she had never seen before. Ryo Ohki let out a happy meow and leaping out of Harley's arms ran over to her and quickly leapt on top of Sasami's head.  
  
"Who are these people Tenchi?" Sasami finally asked.  
  
Tenchi opened his mouth and then quickly shut it. Turning back to face Harley and Joker he bowed in embarrassment. "Oh I am being a bad host aren't I? I totally forgot to ask your names or even introduce myself. My name is Tenchi Masaki." Tenchi pointed to Sasami. "Her name is Sasami and you have already met Ryo Ohki."  
  
Harley gave a elaborate dramatic bow in Sasami's direction. "The name is Harley Quinn. Pleased to meetcha."  
  
Joker watching carefully noticed no reaction from either Tenchi or Sasami from Harley's name and decided this far into the boonies of Japan they must not have heard of her or him yet. "The name is Joker. Master of mirth. King of laughter." Not to be outdone by Harley he gave a equally dramatic bow.  
  
Harley had been studying Sasami while Joker introduced himself and she decided that she liked the kid. She was cute as a button and had a adorable smile on her face. Harley felt as Joker brushed past her towards the girl with his hand outstretched as if he was going to either shake her hand or take her hand to kiss it. Harley felt her eyes widen and if it hadn't been for the thick white pancake makeup on her face everyone would have noticed as the blood drained from her face. She caught out of the corner of her eye that the Joker was wearing his 'special' joybuzzer in the hand he was reaching out with. That joybuzzer was rigged to not give a tiny little electric shock to startle someone but was rigged to give a lethal jolt of electricity.   
  
Harley Quinn reacting quickly raced to Joker's side and grabbing his arm at the wrist, so as not to touch the joybuzzer herself, she made a pirouette. She managed to do it so graceful and quickly that it made it look like it was a practiced dance move her and the Joker did all the time.  
  
Harley could see the Joker's eyes narrow in annoyance at her for spoiling his 'little joke'. As she finished her pirouette she brought herself into his arms, again being careful to avoid touching the joybuzzer and whispered up to him. "We need to find out who this Washu is and what they might know before we risk them finding out who we are."  
  
Joker briefly nodded his head but Harley noticed the murderous glaze in his eyes did not go completely away.  
  
"What is wrong with Harley?!" The Joker thought to himself. "First she screws up my grand joke on Gotham and now she ruins my little surprise for that welp!"  
  
Sasami marveling at the graceful ballerina movement that Harley pulled off and seeing their brightly colored and unusual clothing asked. "Are you entertainers of some kind?"  
  
The Joker, is manic grin growing even bigger replied. "Indeedy do! Everyone knows my name were we come from. And I always make sure to leave them with a smile on their faces." The Joker then started laughing at his own private joke.  
  
Both Tenchi nor Sasami could explain it but the Joker's laugh gave them chills and caused the hairs on the back of their necks to rise. Sasami noticed that Ryo Ohki flattened out her ears and tensed up.  
  
Tenchi reaching back and physically touching his neck to make sure he was not imaging the hair reaction called out to Sasami. "I found them lost in the carrot fields. I figured I should take them to see Washu and see if she can figure out how they got here and help them get back to where ever it is they wanted to go to."  
  
Sasami nodded her head. "Okay Tenchi. She's in her lab as usual."  
  
Tenchi nodding his head, made a gesture for Joker and Harley to follow him into the house. Sasami watched as they entered the house and then looked up at Ryo Ohki sitting on her head. "That Harley is nice enough but that Joker makes me feel weird." She said. Ryo Ohki meowed an agreement.  
  
Joker following Tenchi into his home thought to himself. "What a dump!" Outwardly all he said was, "nice place." Looking around he spied two women placing a wall panel into place over a large burned hole in one of the walls and nailing it up. One of the women had long elaborate pigtails like the girl outside but her hair was a deep purple in color, the other one had a large mane of blond hair very loosely tied back with a ribbon. The purple haired one was wearing a elaborate ceremonial looking dress while the blond was wearing simple blue jeans and a pink blouse. They both glanced up as Tenchi entered the room.  
  
"Lord Tenchi!" You are back early." Ayeka said embarrassed that he caught them repairing the house. She knew that Tenchi was well aware that her and   
  
Ryoko's morning battles damaged his home but she and Mihoshi had always managed to repair and hide the damage before he came home from school or working in the fields before.  
  
"Ayeka." Tenchi nodded. "We have guests." Tenchi finished, stepping aside so she would notice Joker and Harley. Ayeka blinked several times without saying anything as she noticed the rail thin tall man with the dead white face, green hair and almost face splitting grin. She barely noticed the smaller female figure standing beside him.  
  
Mihoshi however with a simple happy smile replied. "Oh please to meet you!" And reached out to shake their hands in a friendly manner. Harley glanced nervously over at Joker's hand but noticed that he had slipped off his joybuzzer ring and had at some point pocketed it. Taking Mihoshi's hand the Joker bent over and gallantly kissed it lightly while Mihoshi lightly giggled.  
  
Harley watching Mihoshi decided that she was a blond ditz and was no danger to her or Joker. So when Mihoshi held out her hand to shake Harley's, she didn't hesitate at all and shook hands with a smile of her own.  
  
"This is Joker." Tenchi said point at him. "And her name is Harley Quinn." Tenchi then pointed at Aeyka. "Ayeka and she is Mihoshi."  
  
"Those are very interesting and unusual names. Joker and Harley Quinn." Ayeka finally commented.  
  
"Like Ayeka, Tenchi and Mihoshi are all that normal." Joker muttered under his breath.  
  
"They ended up here some how and are lost so I am going to take them to see Washu and see if she can figure it out." Tenchi explained and then with yet another gesture to follow him, he went to a small door under the stairs.  
  
"They keep this Washu person in a closet?" Harley thought to herself and glanced over at Joker, who just shrugged to show he didn't know what was going on either.  
  
Tenchi knocking on the door waited a moment. Harley noticed a small round window set into the door light up and she could just barely see the indistinct image of a face. "Yes?" A young woman's voice asked.  
  
"I have some visitors here Washu that showed up suddenly. They say they are from America and don't have any idea how they got here." Tenchi explained to the image.  
  
"Bring them in Tenchi." The voice responded.  
  
The small door opened and Tenchi nodded for them to enter.   
  
"Um, will all of us fit in there?" Harley asked.  
  
Tenchi gave a mysterious grin and replied. "Oh, I don't think we will have any problems."  
The Joker with another shrug walked through the doorway followed by Harley, while Tenchi brought up the rear. As Tenchi entered, the door shut quickly behind him.  
  
Harley with her mouth hanging open in shock looked around the room they were in. It was enormous! She literally couldn't see where the room began or ended. It was a bright room that had huge glass containers in it with various animals, only some of which Harley could even barely recognize.   
  
Directly in front of her as she followed the Joker in was a small girl siting on what appeared to be a cushion floating in mid air. She had her back to them and was busily typing on a translucent keyboard that also appeared to be floating in the air without support. A few yards in front of the girl with the huge shock of brightly colored red hair was a railing overlooking what looked like a jungle setting. Harley glancing up at Joker saw that even he had his eyes bugging out and his mouth hanging open. Tenchi came in behind them and glancing at the shocked looks on their faces replied with amusement. "Yeah Washu's lab has a tendency to effect people like this."   
  
"B b b but how?" Harley finally managed to get out.  
  
Washu answered without looking up from her holo computer. "My lab is in a different dimension than Tenchi's house. The only thing connecting it to that dimension is the door you came in." Washu finally turned to look at them and finished. "Understand?"  
  
Harley just shook her head no.  
  
"Oh well, its not important." Washu muttered. "So you are from America and don't know how you got here?" Washu prompted.  
  
Joker finally shaking himself out of his shock looked the pint size girl over. Age wise she didn't look any older than the one they had met outside but something about the eyes unnerved him. She was wearing khaki shorts, leggings and a normal enough looking top. The most outstanding features about her was her wild mane of flaming red hair and those piercing green eyes.  
  
"I was working on a machine to bring joy and laughter into the hearts of the good people of Gotham. When my assistant here messed something up in my machine." Joker said shooting a angry glare at Harley. "The machine suddenly put out a loud buzzing noise. A swirling black cloud appeared and the next thing we knew...." Joker paused for dramatic effect.  
  
Which was ruined when Harley finished for him. "We ended up in this guy's carrot fields."  
  
Washu examined the two people if front of her. One thing she was positive about. They sure weren't from around Tenchi's neck of the woods. "This machine you were working on. Was it by any chance sonic in nature?"  
  
The Joker, his eyes narrowing slightly, reevaluated his opinion of Washu. She may look like a child but she had a extremely quick mind. "Yes." He answered her.  
  
"Sounds like to me that your machine was changed from whatever its original purpose was into a dimensional portal device." Washu turned on her cushion and tapped a few keys on her keyboard. Suddenly a high annoying buzzing noise was heard. "Did the sound you hear sound anything like this?" Washu called out over the noise.  
  
Joker nodded his head eagerly.  
  
"Yep." Washu commented to herself. "A unstable dimensional portal."  
  
"Do you mean..." Harley yelled out to be heard over the buzzing noise but then stopped when Washu hit a key on her keyboard and the noise stopped. "Do you mean that not only are we not in the city we started from but we aren't even in the same dimension any more?" She finished in a normal voice.  
Washu nodded her head and reevaluated her opinion on Harley. "She maybe dressed like a Fool but that young woman has a sharp brain in her head." She thought to herself.  
  
Tenchi pulled back in shock as Joker turned on Harley and snarled at her. "Way to go Harley! Not only did you ruin my jok.., er my experiment. You blew us to another dimension entirely!"  
  
Harley flinched. A fact that both Tenchi and Washu noticed.  
  
The Joker turned back to Washu and once again his face was calm with his normal manic grin on it. "Can you possibly get us back to our home dimension?" He asked mildly.  
  
"Of course I can. Nothing is impossible for a scientific genius like myself." Washu modestly proclaimed. "But it will take time for me to narrow down and define which dimension you came from. One of you will have to stay here with me so I can run tests on them to help narrow it down."  
  
"Tests?" Harley asked in a nervous voice.  
  
"Nothing painful." Washu assured her. "Simple scans is all. Each person carries a vibratory frequency of their home dimension inside of them. My scanner can detect that frequency and with a little adjustment and tuning, we will have your home dimension and I can send you back."  
  
The Joker stood stroking his chin and deep in thought. "On the one hand it would be fun to get back to old Gotham and try once again to kill Batman but on the other hand, here was a whole new world that had never heard of the 'Dark Knight' or Joker. A new world he could terrorize and kill the inhabitants with jokes. And in both cases it all rested on the little girl in front of him. She could send him back if he wanted to, or even if he didn't."  
  
"Harley gal, why don't you go back with young Tenchi here to the house and I will stay here and let Washu run the tests she needs on me. I know how tests make you nervous." The Joker cooed, already planning in his mind on the various ways he could kill Washu if he decided to.  
  
Harley looking at Joker could almost read his mind, she had been with him so long.  
  
"If he kills Washu that will upset Tenchi." She thought nervously. "Wait a minute! Why am I caring if it upsets this Tenchi person? I've never cared who   
Mr. J hurt or killed before! All of a sudden I am worried on how it will effect some country bumpkin?! What's wrong with me?" Harley could not explain it but glancing at Tenchi she just knew she didn't want to see him hurt. Not emotionally or physically. "Are you sure Mr. J?" She asked.  
  
The Joker frowning slightly nodded his head and made a shooing gesture. "You young 'uns scat now. We'll be fine."  
  
Tenchi frowned slightly himself. He couldn't explain it but he knew he just didn't feel right leaving this Joker person alone with Washu. Glancing at Washu, Tenchi saw her give him a slight nod showing that it was alright. "I forget sometimes that Washu is not the young kid like she looks like. She has lived a very long time and knows how to take care of herself." Tenchi thought to himself. "Okay, come with me miss Quinn. I'll take you back to the house and you can talk to the girls." Tenchi glanced at his watch. "I, myself have to get back to my chores."  
  
"Call me Harley." Harley replied feeling a little disappointed that she couldn't spend time with Tenchi. "WHAT? Where did that come from?" Harley thought to herself.  
  
Washu and Joker watched Tenchi and Harley leave the lab through the door. Joker turning to face Washu asked. "So how do we go about these tests?" He failed to notice the metallic tentacles appear silently behind him and start to reach for him. 


	4. Harley makes some new friends

Obligatory disclaimers: I do not own Tenchi Muyo or any of the characters contained there in. I do not own Batman or any of the characters contained there in. The characters are the intellectual property of their respective creators. No profits are being made from this fanfic and it's sole intention is bring (possible) enjoyment to those who read it.  
Look both ways before crossing the street. Don't accept either candy or rides from strangers. And your mileage may vary.  
Thank you and please enjoy the story.  
  
Tenchi meets The Joker  
by Weirdbard   
Chapter 4. Harley makes some new friends.  
  
  
Ayeka and Mihoshi had just finished putting the last touches on the new wall panel that they had put into place. Once again the house showed no signs of the morning's previous heated battle between Ryoko and Ayeka.   
  
"Whew! Done. What should we do now?" Mihoshi said wiping a bead of sweat off her forehead with her arm.  
  
"Well since this is Saturday, none of our soaps will be on today." Ayeka said in a slightly disappointed voice. She started to say something else but stopped when she saw the door to Washu's lab open and Tenchi and Harley walked out.  
  
"Miss Ayeka? Would you keep Harley company for a while? I really have to get back to my chores now. And Washu and Joker will be busy in her lab for a while." Tenchi asked.  
  
Ayeka wasn't thrilled with being asked to baby-sit yet another female visitor to Tenchi's home but she was a princess so she handled it gracefully manner.   
  
"Why of course Lord Tenchi I would be happy to keep her company." Ayeka's smile faded away as soon as Tenchi left the house however.   
  
Harley nervously shifted her weight from one foot to another as she waited for the woman in the elaborate gown to say something to her. It was Mihoshi who spoke first however.  
  
"I know what we can do! Let's go take a bath!"  
  
"A bath? Together?" Harley asked surprised.  
  
Ayeka just look down her nose at Harley as if she had asked a incredibly dumb question.  
  
"Yes. It is the custom in this land for people to bathe together." Mihoshi explained to her.  
  
"Men and women?" Harley asked feeling like she was unschooled bumpkin. A feeling that wasn't helped by the condescending look on Ayeka's face towards her.  
  
"No." Mihoshi giggled. "The men have their own bathroom and we girls have a bathhouse built for us by Washu. Come on you'll love it!"   
  
Suddenly a woman with spiky blueish hair appeared out of nowhere beside Harley. "A bath? Sounds great!" Ryoko replied.  
  
"And why would you need to take a bath? You haven't done any work today!" Ayeka said pointing her nose in the air in Ryoko's direction.  
  
The two women started arguing loudly at each other leaving a dumb founded Harley to stand there looking first at one of them and then at the other.  
  
Mihoshi stepped up beside her. "Don't pay any attention to those two. They are always arguing."  
  
Ryoko distracted from her fight with Ayeka glanced over at Harley and then frowning she asked. "Who is this?"  
  
Mihoshi looked up. "Oh this is Harley Quinn. Harley this is Ryoko the Space Pirate."  
  
"Space pirate?!" Harley asked with a squeak.  
  
"Sure. I'll explain it all in the bath." Mihoshi said and grabbing Harley by the hand started to lead her off, rapidly chatting all the while. Ayeka and Ryoko watched them for a moment and then shrugging they started to follow.  
  
  
"So you see that is how we all came to be here at Tenchi's house." Mihoshi finally finished as they walked though another strange door in the house and ended up in the bathhouse.  
  
Poor Harley's mind was in a whirl. Not only from the fantastic tale of how all the women had ended up in this one kid's house but also from amazement at Mihoshi. Mihoshi had related the entire tale without taking a single breath it seemed to Harley "And I thought I could talk." Harley thought to herself.   
  
She was so overwhelmed by Mihoshi's speech she didn't even notice when the blond suddenly started to remove her clothes right in front of her. Shaking herself from her stupor she nervously glanced around and saw Ayeka a few feet away removing her gown as well. While Harley watched, Ryoko simply phased out of her clothes allowing them to drop to the ground and then reappeared a few feet away naked. Ayeka neatly folded her gown and glanced down in disgust at Ryoko's clothing lying on the floor. "You are such a slob Ryoko." She hissed before sitting her folded gown on a bench. Mihoshi just picked up her clothing and tossed them carelessly at the bench.  
  
The women walked over to where water was spilling over a small waterfall and kneeling down started scrubbing themselves with sponges and soap. After a moment they glanced back to see Harley still standing there nervously in her clothing.  
  
Once again it was Mihoshi that spoke to her. "There's nothing to worry about. You take your clothes off and come over here and wash. After you are clean you then lower yourself into the hot water of the pool above us and relax."  
  
"Gee, I don't know." Harley said hesitantly. She came from a upbringing where you bathed alone. This was new and kind of strange to her.  
  
"Oh come on." Ryoko finally said. "You don't need to worry about any guys getting in here and seeing you naked if that is what you are worrying about. Washu has a lock that prevents the males from doing that. Course I for one wouldn't mind it if Tenchi was to get in here." Ryoko added with a grin.  
  
"Well not all of us are exhibitionists like you are!" Ayeka snapped at her.  
  
"If you got it, flaunt it!" Ryoko said with a grin. "Oh that's right! You don't have it."  
  
Ayeka just purpled slightly in anger but didn't respond to her.  
  
Mihoshi walked over to stand beside Harley and started to help her undress. Harley standing stock still, her eyes widening slightly from being undressed by another woman. A quite healthy woman at that, but you don't end up as a partner to the Joker without being able to overcome your fears.   
  
As Harley's clothes came off both Ayeka and Ryoko were shocked. They had assumed that Harley's white face was the natural skin coloring for her. After all when your are a space princess or a space pirate you end up dealing with lots of different alien species and 'normal' skin coloring was very often not that normal. The fact that Harley's face was white because of thick makeup wasn't the only shock they got however. As Harley's skin tight costume peeled off her body they could see dozens of bruises revealed. Some of them old and some of them quite new. Harley had bruises on her arms, legs and even across her breasts.  
  
Mihoshi her eyes narrowing at the sight didn't say anything but just helped the nervous young woman remove the costume.  
  
As soon as Mihoshi finished helping her undress Harley walked over to where the other women were and started scrubbing with soap and sponges as if she always bathed with others.  
  
As the thick white makeup came off her face, Ryoko, Ayeka and Mihoshi could see a young almost childlike face revealed. A self conscious Harley glanced up to see them staring at her. "What?" She asked nervously.  
  
"We were just wondering..." Ayeka began but then stopped. She couldn't think of a diplomatic way of asking about the bruises.  
  
"Who beat the living daylights out of you?" Ryoko finished bluntly.  
  
Harley glanced down at the bruises on her arms. Being around the Joker she had gotten so used to having them she didn't even think it strange any more. "Um, I am accident prone and trip a lot." Harley said quickly.  
  
Neither Ayeka or Ryoko bought that explanation but decided to let it go. Mihoshi standing behind Harley just sadly shook her head and moved over beside her to wash herself.  
  
Harley, after quite a bit of scrubbing managed to get all the heavy pancake makeup off of her face. Wondering how she was supposed to rinse the soap off, she suddenly got a shock when Mihoshi dumped a bucket of water over her head. "Gaa! That is freezing!" She yelped in surprise.  
  
Mihoshi giggled. "Oops sorry about that. Now we go over to the hot springs part of the bath and relax in the hot water to let our pores open." Mihoshi explained.   
  
Harley looked up to see Ayeka already move up a short stair to a raised area of the bath. Quickly following Ayeka and Mihoshi, Harley was once again shocked when she saw the rest of the 'bath' that had been hidden from her till then. It looked like a large steaming lake. There was large rocks in it and several large trees around the edge. It certainly didn't look like any type of bath that Harley had ever seen.  
  
Watching carefully so she didn't make any more mistakes, Harley watched as Ayeka slowly lowered herself with several winces into the obviously very hot water. Reaching out with a toe she felt the water and immediately pulled back. "That is boiling!" She cried out.  
  
Mihoshi came up beside her. "No its not. It just feels really hot because of the cold water I doused you with. Ease down into it and it will feel fantastic I promise. Your muscles will relax and your pores will open up. You'll love it."  
  
Harley keeping an eye on Mihoshi eased down in the water with her and true to Mihoshi's words as soon as she was in, it did feel wonderful. Suddenly Harley frowned. "What happened to that other woman? Ryoko wasn't it?"   
  
Ayeka with her hair elaborately piled on top of her head to keep it from getting wet shot her eyes open, which she had closed in bliss from the bath's heat and said. "She wouldn't would she? Not again!"   
  
Harley started to turn to ask Mihoshi what she meant when suddenly Ryoko appeared in the air above the pool. Pulling her legs up against her chest Ryoko cannonballed into the center of the pool splashing everyone with hot water.  
  
"RYOKO!" Ayeka sputtered.   
  
Mihoshi just sighed. "Do you have to do that every time?" She finally asked a mischievously grinning Ryoko.  
  
"As long as it always catches Ayeka off guard? Yes." Ryoko said and then laughed.  
  
Harley watched as the two women began a water fight splashing each other back and forth. Turning to look at Mihoshi sitting beside her she saw that the blond had her eyes closed and was smiling blishfully.  
  
"So." Harley said trying to remember Mihoshi's rambling explanation on how every one had ended up in Tenchi's home. "You say that Ryoko was a space pirate and she was chased to the earth by someone named Yishi?"  
  
"That is Yosho!" Ayeka angrily said.  
  
"Oops! sorry." Harley called out to her.  
  
"And then a while later Ayeka and Sasami came looking for this Yosho and found Ryoko and they got into a fight of some kind and crashed here?" Harley asked Mihoshi.  
  
Mihoshi with her eyes still closed nodded her head and murmured a sleepy affirmative.  
  
Harley watching Mihoshi smiled. She thought to herself she really could get to like Mihoshi. She always seemed so relaxed and happy. "She takes the time to explain things to me and doesn't look down her nose at me like that Ayeka does." She thought to herself. "Its the part Mihoshi where you came to the earth that you lost me at." She finally said out loud.  
  
"Miss Mihoshi." Ayeka said in a imperious voice. "Was chasing a wanted space criminal known by the name Kagato and got accidentally sucked into a vortex created by this mummy woman here." Ayeka said pointing a finger at Ryoko.  
  
Ryoko crossed her arms over her ample breasts and frowned at Ayeka. "Didn't your parents teach you its not polite to point? Besides how was I suppose to know she was coming into earth's atmosphere at that exact time?"  
  
Harley sensing another argument starting between Ayeka and Ryoko asked quickly. "Why was Mihoshi chasing a space criminal though?"  
  
"Because Miss Mihoshi is first class detective Mihoshi of the Galaxy Police!" Ayeka replied without looking over at Harley.  
  
Ryoko who happened to be watching Harley at that moment saw Harley's eyes widen suddenly and saw her start to inch away from Mihoshi's side. "Your a cop?!" Harley said in surprise. Mihoshi drifting into sleep merely murmured a yes again.  
  
"Hmm, that's interesting. The only reason for actions like that is Harley either now or in the past was on the wrong side of the law." Ryoko thought to herself.  
  
The Joker was not a happy camper. Not by a very long shot! The metal tentacles had taken him completely by surprise and had wrapped around his arms and legs and hoisted him into the air. At one point he had opened his mouth to curse Washu fully and a smaller tentacle had quickly shot out and even grabbed his tongue! All he could do now was shoot angry glares at a oblivious Washu as she worked at her floating keyboard.   
  
Washu doing a preliminary scan on the Joker quickly located with her scanners some very odd things on him. Her scanner quickly located and identified the joybuzzer in his pocket and determined that it was capable of lethal voltage. The scanner had also located a bunch of titanium rectangles in secret pockets in his jacket sleeves. They were roughly the shape of playing cards and the scanners determined that they were razor sharp. Washu also made note of several gas grenades in various places on the Joker's body. Her scanners could not determine without a physical sample of the chemical inside of them what they were but she was willing to bet it wasn't anything pleasant. She also found in one of the Joker's pockets what looked like a small whoopee cushion but her scanners informed her that it was loaded with explosive charges. Not enough to blow up a house but anyone sitting on it would have their butt literally blown out the top of their head.  
  
"Nasty stuff. Leave it to Tenchi to walk out to his garden and find someone like this." Washu thought to herself. The last thing her scanners located and informed her about was the flower on the Joker's lapel. It was loaded with the same chemical that was in the gas grenades but there again without a physical sample her scanner could not determine what the chemicals purpose was.   
  
Washu gave no indication to Joker what her instruments were detecting but merely hummed as though everything was perfectly normal.  
  
"Little Ryoko. Where are you at?" She thought at Ryoko through her mental link to her.  
  
"Must you call me that?" Ryoko in the bathhouse angrily thought back to her. "I'm in the bathhouse with Mihoshi, Ayeka and that new woman Harley. What's up?"  
  
"I've just finished doing a scan on this Joker person in my lab." Washu mentally told her.  
  
"Oh? Anything interesting?"  
  
"You could say that. He's carrying around various lethal toys disguised as a clown's pranks and gags." Washu thought drily back.  
  
Ryoko in the bath suddenly stiffened and sat upright. "You think these two are dangerous then?"  
  
Washu as she tapped a few keys on her keyboard in the lab frowned and thought back. "I suppose there could be a innocent reason for all these 'toys' but even with my scientific genius I can't see one. What kind of feelings do you get about his partner Harley?"  
  
"She seems a nice enough kid." Ryoko thought back. "But when miss blabber mouth princess let it slip that Mihoshi was a Galaxy Police officer she pulled away from her and they had been getting along real well up to that point."  
  
"You think they are criminals then?" Washu asked.  
  
"Be my guess." Ryoko responded. "What shall we do with them?"  
  
"We can't do anything. No matter what they might have done in their own dimension, they have done nothing wrong here and until they do you know Tenchi would not want us to do anything." Washu with a thoughtful look replied to Ryoko.   
"Just keep an eye on Harley and I will keep a careful leash on Joker here. As soon as I find out what dimension they come from we will send them back and be done with them."  
  
Ryoko gave the mental equivalent of a nod. "Will do Washu. Any other ideas or suggestions?"  
  
"Just one. Call me mom!" Washu thought back with a grin. Washu quickly severed her mental link with Ryoko to keep from hearing the rude suggestions she knew were about to come from her.  
  
Harley nervously sliding a short distance away from Mihoshi kept a eye on her. "Who would thought that such a nice, friendly, bubblehead could be a cop?" Hearing a noise coming up the stairs behind her she looked nervously over her shoulder and saw Sasami come up carrying a basket of folded clean laundry.  
  
"There you all are! I know whenever I can't find any of you that you all have slipped off to the bathhouse again!" Sasami told her sister Ayeka.  
  
Ayeka opening one eye looked at her sister and replied. "What is it you wanted Sasami?"  
  
"Lunch will be ready in a short time."   
  
"Very well. We will be down in a moment. Oh Sasami?" Ayeka added as a thought came to her. "Could you please wash Miss Quinn's clothing for her? I noticed that it was very dirty. And smelly." Ayeka finished under her breath.  
  
Harley, unlike the Joker kept all her weapons and 'toys' in a handbag. A handbag that she had left behind in the abandoned warehouse back in their home dimension, so there was nothing incriminating or dangerous in her clothing for Sasami to find. Still she didn't want Sasami to wash her clothing for her like she was some servant. "Oh please don't bother on my account!" She quickly said.  
  
"Don't be silly! You don't want to put dirty clothes back on after getting all clean do you?" Ayeka said.  
  
"But I don't have anything else to wear. I can't walk around naked." Harley pointed out.  
  
"Not with Tenchi around you sure can't." Ryoko growled at her.  
  
"Sasami will give you some of her clothing to wear till yours gets cleaned and dried." Ayeka stated.  
  
"But sister, Harley is much too large for my clothing." Sasami said.  
  
"Hmm, and she is much too short for any of my clothing or Mihoshi's either. And she is certainly not as overly large as Ryoko." Ayeka pondered.   
  
"Hey you better be talking about my height and not implying that I am fat!" Ryoko yelled.  
  
"I know what you can wear!" Sasami said and then reached into the laundry basket of clean clothes. Sasami pulled out a large white shirt. "You can wear one of Tenchi's shirts! It is large enough to reach your knees so it will cover you completely but not be tight either."  
  
"You can't let that woman wear Lord Tenchi's clothing!" Ayeka shouted.  
  
"Oh don't make a fuss Ayeka. You know Tenchi won't mind." Sasami said and then turned to face Harley. "I will leave the shirt downstairs on the bench and wash your clothing for you."  
  
Harley opened her mouth to tell Sasami she didn't have to bother washing her clothing but Sasami was already turning to look at her sister again. "Lunch will be ready in thirty minutes. Don't be late!"  
  
Sasami knocked on Washu's lab door and waited a moment. "Come in." Washu's voice called out as the door opened.  
Sasami walking in spotted Joker hanging in the air from the metal tentacles. "Washu can't you come up with a way of scanning someone without having to use those things?" She asked.   
  
"Well I could.....But what fun would there be in that?" Washu said with a grin. "What is it you wanted Sasami?" She asked getting serious.  
  
"Lunch will be ready in a few moments. Can you and Mr. Joker put off the rest of the tests to come eat?"  
  
Washu thought for a moment. On the one hand she didn't want someone potentially dangerous wandering around Tenchi's home and it would be safer to keep him confined to her lab but on the other hand, she didn't want to tip off to the Joker that she knew he was more than he appeared yet. Washu's mind went through all the possibilities and probabilities in a matter of seconds and answered Sasami. "Sure. We'll put off the rest of the tests till after lunch. I almost have his home dimension locked in now."  
  
"Okay. See you in a few moments." Sasami said happily and left.  
  
Pressing a few keys Washu caused the metallic arms to release Joker. She had her back turned to him but unknown to Joker, Washu had programmed several AI computers in her lab to carefully monitor him. If he tried as so much as even attempt to hurt her, the computers would lash out with restraining arms that made the scanners look like pipe cleaners in comparison.  
  
Joker worked his mouth several times and flexed his tongue. He had had it! That little redheaded kid was going to die and die with a huge smile on her face he decided. As he quietly stalked up behind Washu who was obliviously typing on that keyboard several sensors tracked his progress.   
Almost reaching Washu's back Joker suddenly spied something across the room and changed directions to look at it more closely.   
  
The item was sealed behind a glass display cabinet but Joker recognized the familiar lines of it.  
It looked like a military rocket launcher but had a hood over the front part of it.  
  
"What is this thing?" He called out to Washu.  
  
"Just a toy I made to prove a theory once. Washu proudly proclaimed. "It's a hyperspace rocket launcher"   
  
Washu had one major character flaw. She was overly proud of her inventions. Especially those that proved a theory that the Science Academy had told her was impossible.  
  
"You see the numeric keypad on the stock of the launcher?" Washu said pointing it out. "You type in the distance to the target there and then when you fire the rocket it enters a hyperspace tunnel. Inside there it is impossible for anyone to block, defend or track the rocket. It comes out 3 inches from the distance you put in and the rocket then explodes taking out your target!"  
  
Joker felt his eyebrows raise. "This Washu makes weapons of mass destruction and calls them toys?" Joker thought to himself. "Maybe she is more fun than I first thought."  
  
"Does it work?" He asked her eagerly.  
  
"Of course it works!" I tried it one time to make sure my theory was sound and then sealed it inside that display cabinet. Come on will be late for lunch and Sasami hates that." Washu finished.  
  
As Washu lead The Joker out of her lab several sensors tracked him all the way to the door. As the door shut behind them the AI's silently slid safeties back into place.  
  
Joker exiting Washu's lab spotted the rest of the people he had met already sitting at the dinningroom table. In addition to Mihoshi, Ayeka and Tenchi he spotted a spiky blue haired woman, a older man with a long gray pony tail and a blond with two short pigtails wearing nothing but a long white shirt. Doing a double take he realized that the blond with the pigtails was his Harley.  
  
"Harley? What are you doing out of your costume?" He asked in a gruff voice.  
  
Tenchi noted that Harley visibly flinched again.   
  
"I'm sorry Puddin but the girls here insisted I take a bath with them and then Sasami offered to clean my clothing for me and well........ This is all they had for me to wear." She said in a rush.  
  
The Joker noticing that the old man with gray hair was studying him just gave a laugh. "Its okay Harley girl. Just unusual for me to see you outside of your costume and without your makeup on." He added with just the slightest growl to his voice. Joker walked up to the table beside where Mihoshi was sitting. "Its not like that you not wearing your makeup or costume is going to change who you are...... or make you forget who you belong to!" He finished under his breath. Mihoshi gave no indication but she heard him.  
  
Sasami brought up the food and quickly served everyone. The Joker glanced at the food on his plate with a frown. It was a vegetarian dish of some kind with rice.  
  
Glancing over he noticed that Harley was having no problems and was happily eating the food.  
  
"Wow. I never knew veggies could taste so good. Ivy would love your cooking." Harley smiled at a pleased Sasami.  
  
Yosho watching the Joker noticed that he only toyed with his food. "Is something wrong?" He finally asked him.  
  
"Mr. J is a meat and potatoes kind of guy." Harley explained.   
  
"I'm sorry Mr. Joker but most of our meals here are vegetarian in nature. Meat is hard to get and reserved for only special occasions." Tenchi said apologetically.  
  
"Oh don't apologize Tenchi. This is great!" Harley said with a smile.  
  
"Tenchi after lunch I expect you to show up at the temple for training." Yosho stated.  
  
"Training?" Harley asked in interest.   
  
"Lord Tenchi is being trained in proper sword technique." Ayeka explained.  
  
"Ooh! Can we watch?" Harley asked eagerly.  
  
Ayeka was about to explain, with some glee, that Yosho did not allow anyone to watch Tenchi's training sessions but she was interrupted by Yosho. "I don't see why not." Yosho answered back.  
  
Ayeka and Ryoko looked at each other and almost had their mouths drop open. Yosho didn't allow anyone to watch! Ayeka had tried several times and each time Yosho merely called off Tenchi's training early. Ryoko had even tried to sneak up and watch using her teleport and phasing abilities and Yosho always seem to know when she was near and did the same thing to her. Never call much attention to the fact but just called the training over early and sent Tenchi on his way.  
  
Yosho had noticed when Harley Quinn reached for food on her plate, her bruised arms. "Perhaps in the guise of teaching Tenchi some new sword techniques I can get through to this young lady and help her to see that loving someone does not mean you have to be their punching bag."   
  
Yosho had taken a instant dislike to the Joker as soon as he saw him. It was not his outlandish clothing or his dead white face as it was the fact that the aura he was putting off reminded him strongly of Kagato.  
  
"Oh I'm sorry but I think it is time for Harley to have to spend some time in Washu's lab." Joker replied quickly before Harley could accept.  
  
"Yes Mr. J." Harley replied sadly.  
  
"Oh we can't do that." Washu replied. "Once the dimensional tests have been started they have to be finished with the person they were begun on."  
  
"You never said that!" Joker growled at Washu.  
  
"Yep. So it has to be you or I will have to start over from scratch with Harley. But don't worry the next stage of testing won't require the medical scanner I used before. This time I can just have you hold your hand on a scanner plate and get the readings I need. After we are done, I'll show you some more of my projects I have completed." Washu said.  
  
"You mean like that one 'toy' you showed me?" The Joker asked eagerly.  
  
"Sure." Washu said. The Joker made her skin crawl and she had no intention of letting him see any more of her more destructive experiments but he didn't need to know that.  
  
"Well then Harley girl I guess it will be all right for you to watch Tenchi here at his training." Joker said.  
  
"Yay!" Harley happily squealed.  
  
The Joker his eyebrow raising wondered once again what had gotten into Harley since they had arrived in this strange world. 


	5. Dark knights and darker memories

Obligatory disclaimers: I do not own Tenchi Muyo or any of the characters contained there in. I do not own Batman or any of the characters contained there in. The characters are the intellectual property of their respective creators. No profits are being made from this fanfic and it's sole intention is bring (possible) enjoyment to those who read it.  
Look both ways before crossing the street. Don't accept either candy or rides from strangers. And your mileage may vary.  
Thank you and please enjoy the story.  
  
Tenchi meets The Joker   
By weirdbard  
  
Chapter 5. Dark Knights and Darker Memories.  
  
  
Meanwhile back in Gotham:  
  
A darker shadow moved among the dark gloom of a empty warehouse. A light from a flashlight clicks on and swings around for a moment. The shadow hearing a noise, snaps off the flashlight and waits silently in the dark. A smaller shadow enters the room and heads unknowingly towards the larger one. Hearing the slight hiss of a cape moving in a errant gust of wind, the smaller shadow pauses too.   
Suddenly two flashlights click on at the same time.  
The smaller shadow's light catches the larger one fully. In the light revealed is a figure dressed entirely in grey and black. The head completely covered by a spiky helmet suggesting either horns or ears. On its chest a emblem of a flying bat can be seen.  
Batman's flashlight reveals a figure similarly dressed as he is but smaller and obviously a female.  
  
"Batman?" The woman states in a half question.  
  
"Batgirl." The dark figure acknowledges with a nod. "What are you doing here?"  
  
"Tracing the path of a mysterious power surge that knocked out lights and electrical services for miles around here. You?" Batgirl answers.  
  
"The Batcomputer was set up to monitor for sonic disturbances and pinpointed one coming from this location." Batman explains. Hearing a noise both Batman and Batgirl swing their lights around towards the main doors of the warehouse and caught Robin coming in carrying a large gray metal box in his arms.  
  
"Hey you mind?" Robin grumbles as he squints against the glare.  
  
  
"Sorry." Batgirl says and then using her flashlight she lights Robin's way as he carries the large box and sits it down next to the main powerleads for the building. "What's the box?" She finally asks, her curiosity finally getting the better of her.  
  
"Its a power generator from the Batmobile. I'll hook it up the power cables here and we will have the warehouses lights back on in a moment." Robin mutters as he examines the nest of cables coming out of the circuit box.  
  
"Be careful Robin. Make sure you only hook up power to the lights. We don't know what machine was putting out the sonic signals the batcomputer picked up. We don't want to accidentally turn it on by mistake." Batman says as he examines a black smudge mark on the floor with his flashlight.  
  
"Give me some credit Batman." Robin points out old power cables to Batgirl. "These lines here are obviously from when the factory was first built. So they are the lights. While this cable here." Robin says pointing at a obviously new cable that came out of the circuit box and snaked it's way across the floor. "Is obviously a new one someone installed recently." Making the final connections to the older power lines Robin pushed a button on the gray metal box and with a high pitched whine it kicks on. The lights in the old factory flicker for a moment and then spring on fully.  
  
  
"I think we can safely assume who it was that stole those computer and sonic equipment parts Robin." Batman says looking at the giant punching bag clown leaning drunkenly on its raised platform.  
  
"The Joker?" Batgirl asks unnecessarily. "What computer and sonic parts by the way?"  
  
Robin answers her. "For the last couple of weeks, robberies have occurred at several of Gotham's major electrical supply firms. Batman programmed the batcomputer with what was stolen and the computer hypothesized that the equipment could be used to make a sonic weapon of some type."  
  
"Ah. So that is why you had the Batcomputer searching for sonic signals?"  
  
Robin nodded and the went over to the nearest computer console. "The question is, if this stuff was made to be some kind of weapon. Why hasn't the Joker used it and where is the Joker and Harley Quinn now?"  
  
Batman examining the layout of the machines flipped open a concealed hinge on the back of one of his gauntlets and was busy typing on a micro keyboard hidden inside. Robin watched patiently. "So, the Batcomputer have any idea what this stuff was meant to do?" He finally asked.  
  
Batman nodded his head. "The computer assigns a 95% probability that with equipment laid out in this manner, the machine was designed to put out a sonic wave meant to induce people into fatal hysterical laughter."  
  
Batgirl shivered slightly. "Well in that case, why are we all still alive?"  
  
Batman frowning bent over one of the computer consoles and examined a pile of circuit boards laying beside it. "That is a good question."  
  
Robin climbing the short flight of stairs was examining the clown part of the machine. Turning he glanced back down to where Batgirl was standing beside Batman at the computer console with the open panel.  
  
"Okay. How's this for a possible explanation? The Joker makes his killer machine but doesn't bother to explain what it does to Quinn. She finds out and freaks?"  
  
  
Batgirl looks up at Robin and in a imitation of Harley Quinn's voice says. "Oh Mr. J. what a great machine. What does it do?"  
  
Robin playing along answers back in his own imitation of the Joker's voice. "Why Harley girl it kills people with laughter."  
  
Batgirl answers back. "Gee, that's nice." And then turning to the console beside her mimics the motion of frantically jerking circuit cards out of it.  
  
Robin looks over to where Batman is standing with his arms folded watching the two of them. "What do you think?"  
  
"I think your imitations of Joker and Harley need work but I also think you maybe right." He replied dryly.  
"So what happened to Joker and Harley?" Robin repeated his earlier question. "You think Harley took off running after sabotaging Joker's machine and he went after her and just left the machine?"  
  
Batman frowning opened his gauntlet computer control again and picking up the circuit cards on the ground rapidly typed. Robin and Batgirl were left to stand and look at one another wondering for several moments.  
  
Robin could see Batman's eyes suddenly widen with whatever information the Batcomputer responded with. "What is it?" He finally asked.  
  
"The Batcomputer hypothesize that if the sonic device was ran with these cards removed from it, it could possibly generate a dimensional portal.  
  
"You mean Joker and Harley Quinn ended up being sent..... somewhere else?" Batgirl asked.  
  
"It's possible." Batman said. "The computer offers a 68% probability that is what happened."  
Robin blinked a few times. "Well then, that is good news isn't it? That means Joker and Quinn are out of our hair for good!"  
  
Batman looked thoughtful for a moment. "No. We have to recreate the portal and go and get them."  
  
"What?!" Both Robin and Batgirl asked shocked.  
  
"The Joker and Quinn are our dimension's problems. We can't just let them be dumped on someone else who has no idea how dangerous those two can be! We will have to hook up this machine to the generator and open a portal. I will go after Joker and when I catch him bring him back to face justice here." Batman stated.  
  
"But Batman! You don't even know if a portal was created. Its also possible that the machine vaporized Joker and Quinn and if you try it, it could do the same to you!" Robin shouted.  
  
"Or its also possible that even if they were sent to another dimension that the inhabitants of that dimension are even a worse menace than even the Joker!" Batgirl also added.  
  
"Make the hookups Robin." Batman said and then turning to look at Batgirl he added. "Can you really think of anyone who could be a worse menace than the Joker?"  
  
Meanwhile back at Tenchi's house:  
Joker watched in wonder as Harley leapt to her feet to help Sasami clean the dishes from the table.  
  
  
"That's not necessary Harley." Sasami said. "You are a guest here. I can do the dishes myself."  
  
"I want to help! Besides, if I give you a hand you can get done quicker. You want to watch Tenchi practice too don't you?" Harley said with a smile. A genuine friendly smile.  
  
Tenchi and his grandfather Yosho getting up, nodded to everyone and said they were going to head on up to the temple. Tenchi assured everyone they would not start the training however till everyone arrived. Everyone except Washu and Joker of course.  
  
Washu made a motion with her eyes to Ayeka letting her know she wanted to talk to her outside for a moment. Ayeka made a slight nod of her head and the two of them walked out the front door. Ryoko decided that Washu probably wanted to warn Ayeka to be on her guard around Joker and Harley. Ryoko watched as Sasami picking up a pile of the dishes and went into the kitchen leaving Ryoko, Harley and Joker alone in the dining room for a moment.  
  
Joker dismissing Ryoko's presence reached out and cruelly grabbed Harley by the arm as she started to head to the kitchen after Sasami. Harley with practiced ease kept from crying out as Joker jerked her into the living room.  
While Joker and Harley had their backs to her, Ryoko quickly did her `split into two separate beings' trick. One of her stayed at the dining room table with her back to them while the other one quickly phased through the floor to reappear behind the living room couch crouched down. Ryoko B could feel a moment later as the couch shifted backwards as Harley was thrown into it.  
  
"Harley girl!" Ryoko B heard Joker hiss hatefully but quietly at Quinn. "What do you think you are doing getting so friendly with these rubes?!" Joker looked over to the dining table to see if Ryoko had moved but he saw that she continued to sit with her back to them sipping tea.  
  
"I'm sorry Mr. J. I can't help it. They remind me of my family." Harley sadly whispered back.  
  
"Your family?!" Joker rasped. "Would this be the same family that turned on you? The family that abandoned you? You have no one else in this world or any other than me! You got that?!"   
  
Harley Quinn was not always the Joker's henchwoman and punching bag. No at one time she was known as Harleen Quinzel, a up and coming psychiatrist. She graduated at the top of her class. Her mother and younger sister were so proud of her then. Her father had died when she was very young so she never had a strong male figure in her life but it didn't matter. The love of her mother and sister made up for it.   
Her mother and sister naturally voiced concern when she accepted a job in Gotham working at the Arkham Institute for the Criminally Insane. But Harleen assured them she could handle whatever Arkham could throw at her.  
There she met many troubled souls and some of them she managed to help find some peace in their lives. Then one day they brought in a petty criminal that had been injured in a chemical accident. A man who insisted from that point on to be called by only one word. Joker.  
All the other troubled people Harleen had dealt with always started their first sessions with her the same way. Threatening to kill her, ranting and raving about how it was not their fault but someone else's, etc. Joker had been different. He came in calmly and simply sat down and placing his elbows on her desk had just looked at her for a moment. Opening his mouth he then simply said. "What's up doc?" From that point on it was funny jokes and comments from him. And unlike the others who only wanted to talk about themselves, Joker seemed interested in Harleen and really listened to her.  
Harleen made the most cardinal mistake a criminal psychiatrist could make. She started to think of Joker as not a dangerous patient but almost as a friend. She began to have the guards leave the room during Joker's sessions and then really making a mistake, she started to tell Joker about her family and her personal life.  
  
One day the Joker escaped from Arkham. Harleen had been terribly upset. Not just because a criminally insane man was on the loose but because she didn't have her friend to share her day with.  
  
While the Joker was free another personal tragedy happened to Harleen. Her mother was killed in a strange automobile accident. While driving along a country road, her mother had for some unknown reason suddenly swerved into a tree. There had been no other vehicles involved and the police reports showed only one curious item at the scene of the accident. A child's Jack in the Box at the side of the road.  
  
While Harleen was still grieving, the Joker was caught and returned to Arkham. Harleen of course shared her grief with him and he comforted her as much as he could.  
  
With their mother now dead Harleen's younger sister became even more important to her. Long phone calls between the two had almost resulted in her sister agreeing to come to Gotham and sharing a apartment with her older sister. A fact that a joyous Harleen just had to share with her `friend' Joker.  
  
A mere month before her sister was to join her, Joker escaped from Arkham again.  
  
A worried and once again upset Harleen spent days trying to get her sister on the phone. Never being able to get her sister on the phone Harleen finally took a emergency leave and rushed to where her sister was staying. Beating on the door, she finally managed to get her sister to open it a crack and peer out at her.  
  
Harleen tried to talk to her sister. To tell her how worried she was that Joker was on the loose and how much she was looking forward to her coming to Gotham to live with her.  
  
Harleen being so distraught with her mother's recent death and worry about the Joker might have been excused for not noticing the sheer terror in her sister's eyes and her trembling.   
  
But her sister's next actions easily got her attention.  
  
Her sister screamed at her that Harleen's obsession with insane freaks was what drove their mother to her death! And that she would not be joining her in Gotham. That in fact she wanted nothing more to do with her big sister. And with that Harleen's sister slammed the door in her face.  
  
A deeply upset and confused Harleen Quinzel went to a hotel room to give her sister a chance to cool off and calm down. The next morning, returning to her sister's apartment Harleen found the door open and the apartment empty. Her sister had moved off in the middle of the night taking nothing with her except her clothes and a few personal items. Harleen was devastated and could not understand what caused her sister to suddenly hate her. Searching the small apartment revealed nothing. Nothing except that on the small table that served as the dining table, her sister had left a solitaire game in mid play. If Harleen had stopped to examine it slightly more closely she might have seen that there was a unusual amount of joker cards laid out.   
  
Returning to Gotham and Arkham, Harleen tried to forget her troubles by throwing herself into her work completely. She had a faint hope that her sister would someday call her and explain where she was and why she suddenly had turned on her but months passed. Eventually Joker was caught and once again returned to Arkham. This time when Harleen explained her pain and problems in her life to him, he tried to get her to see that all of life was just a cruel joke. That the only way you could handle it was laugh right back at it.  
  
It was at this point that Harleen Quinzel made the last and most critical mistake a psychiatrist can possibly make. She listened to the Joker's theories and allowed herself to be swayed into thinking like him.  
  
The next time the Joker escaped from Arkham it was with help. And this time he didn't leave alone.  
  
All this flashed through Harley's mind and she responded. "I got it Mr. J."  
  
  
Ryoko B deciding that their conversation was almost over with, quietly phased back through the floor and returned to her other self. Quickly she combined her selves while Joker and Harley were still in the living room and distracted. If she had stayed a moment longer she might have heard Harley's next question to the Joker.  
  
"You aren't going to kill anyone here are you Puddin?" She asked fearfully.  
  
"Well Harley, I don't know. I might if I decide I need a giggle or two." Joker's playful tone was gone in an instant to be replaced with the hiss he had used when he thrown Harley into the couch. "And frankly your actions today are really making me think I need some giggles. Now get into that kitchen and help that brat like you said you would before she gets suspicious!" Joker turned and adjusting the lapels on his jacket returned to the dining room table.   
  
Harley ran by and grabbing up the few remaining dishes on the table and without looking at either Ryoko or Joker ran into the kitchen.   
  
The Joker grinned at Ryoko and got as far as saying, "I don't think we have been introduced." When Ryoko suddenly sprang from the table and flying grabbed him by the shoulders and slammed his back into the wall behind him.  
  
  
"My name is Ryoko and I don't like guys who think they can push women around!" Ryoko her eyes flashing in anger said.  
  
The Joker tried his most innocent look. "Why my dear you have me all wrong!" He said as he shrugged her hands off his shoulders. "I am really a very nice guy once you get to know me. I'm a barrel of laughs you might say."   
  
"Yeah. I've run into your type before! The type that thinks a good laugh is brought about by someone else's pain and misery!" Ryoko snarled. Ryoko was in a rage. Not only by Joker's treatment of Harley but because those actions stirred up painful memories of Kagato. She was not exaggerating when she told Joker she knew his type.  
  
"My dear woman, I am not that type of man. I just enjoy bringing a smile and laugh to people's faces." Joker said still with his jolly voice. Suddenly it shifted into a sinister tone. "As matter of fact I am really going to enjoy bringing a smile to your face." He practically snarled.  
  
Before Ryoko could try to figure out what he was insinuating, Joker's flower in his lapel sprayed a greenish gas directly into her face. Ryoko stumbled back coughing.  
  
  
Joker his eyes gleaming with anticipation of watching his latest victim start to laugh their life away was shocked when Ryoko suddenly vanished as she teleported away. Stunned the Joker glanced around and then even went over to the dining room table and bent over to peer under it. "Neat trick." he muttered to himself. Hearing a slight noise he glanced up to see a curious Washu and Ayeka standing the doorway of the house watching him.  
  
"You lose something?" Washu asked.  
  
"Um, no. Just waiting for you to get back so we can resume testing. Can't wait to get back to my own home dimension."   
  
Washu nodded her head and motioning for Joker to follow her, lead him to her lab.  
  
As soon as Joker stepped through the doorway into Washu's lab, the metallic tendrils once again grabbed him up.  
  
"Hey! You said at lunch that you didn't need to use these things the next time!" Joker snarled as he found himself helpless once again.  
  
  
"If I told you the truth you wouldn't have come back in here, now would you?" Washu grinned up at him. "Don't worry we are almost done." she added.  
  
Washu was turning to face her keyboard when out of the corner of her eye she saw Ryoko teleport into her lab behind Joker and silently holding her throat as if she was gagging. Reaching out she quickly tapped a few keys on her keyboard. A smaller tendril slipped down from the ceiling of the room and touching Joker on the back of the neck gave him a painless electric shock knocking him out instantly. Having dealt temporarily with Joker, Washu turned worriedly to her daughter Ryoko.  
  
"Little Ryoko! What's wrong?!" She cried as she ran over to the slumped woman. Just as Washu was about to reach her Ryoko managed to croak out. "He sprayed me with something." Washu immediately pulled to a stop and summoning her keyboard rapidly typed. Ryoko felt herself gently lifted up till she was floating upright above the floor. Silently a glass tube rose out of the floor till Ryoko was floating in it's center. As soon as the tube had Ryoko completely covered a large metal donut like contraption came down from the ceiling. It was just large enough to go over the outside of the tube and as it slowly swept past the top of Ryoko's head a light shined from it's inner surface. The donut continued downward until it reached Ryoko's feet.  
  
"What is this thing?!" A nervous and still slightly coughing Ryoko asked.  
  
"It's a medical scanner. My latest model." Washu told her as she studied the readouts on her holo computer.  
  
Ryoko looked in confusion at the metal tendrils that held the unconscious Joker. "But I thought that was the only..." Ryoko paused and shaking her head looked back at Washu. "You know Washu, sometimes you are just down right kinky."   
  
Washu allowed a brief smile to appear. "If I made it look too easy, everyone would come to me when they had the slightest sniffle. Got to keep them a little uneasy around me don't I?"  
  
"Yeah sure. I think you just like having people tied up around you. Admit it Washu. You are a pervert." Ryoko snorted.  
  
Washu frowned at the information coming across the screen of her holo computer and glancing over to where the Joker hung limply she shook her head. "What a vile evil man!"  
  
"What is it? What did he spray me with? Is it dangerous?" Ryoko asked.  
  
"To you? No. You are not human Ryoko. The gas wouldn't have any effect on Sasami, Ayeka, Mihoshi or myself either for that same reason. Different body chemistry than earthlings." Washu said glancing at her daughter. "Now on someone like Tenchi it might, considering he is partly human and this chemical compound would definitely work on his father."   
  
"And do what?!" Ryoko nearly shouted in frustration. "What was this stuff suppose to do to me? Besides make me queasy at my stomach and cough, that is."   
"This chemical compound is very unique. I have never seen its type before." Washu realizing that her daughter's patience was wearing thin decided she better hurry with the explanations. "It induces it's victims into a laughing fit...."  
  
"It's just laughing gas?" Ryoko asked relieved. "That's not too bad then."  
  
"It's a laughing gas that kills, Little Ryoko." Washu told her solemnly. "The gas if used on a normal earthling would cause him to laugh hysterically until he could not draw a breath. The chemical also causes spasms of the facial muscles and paralysis." Washu studied the readouts on the screen for a moment. "A normal earthling would die in a matter of a few moments from lack of oxygen. Their facial muscles then would draw back in a hideous smile." Washu shuddered. "I have seen some cruel ways of killing but this one is entirely new to me. Making your victims laugh at their own death and leave their bodies frozen with a smile."   
  
Washu tapped a few keys and from the bottom of Ryoko's tube a blue gas started to spray up.  
  
"Hey! What is this stuff now?!" Ryoko yelled angrily at her.  
"It's a nullifying agent for that chemical. As I said before it doesn't have any effect on you but if you were to hug Tenchi for example, the chemical residue might be enough to kill him."   
  
Ryoko's eyes widen in shock at the realization that she could have accidently killed Tenchi. They then widen with a new expression. One of pure rage. "That grinning maniac tried to kill me?!"   
  
Washu her own face grim with anger nodded her head. "Yes. He couldn't have had any idea that his gas would not work on you. It's obvious that he fully expected you to die from the gas."   
  
  
Ryoko with a snarl of rage tried to teleport out of the glass tube to get her hands on Joker but found she could not. "Hey! This stuff is stopping my powers!" She yelled.  
  
"No Ryoko. I am stopping you from using your powers." Washu explained. "I can't let you harm Joker. As much as I would like to." Washu finished quietly.   
  
"Why not! He tried to kill me!" Ryoko screamed at her as she pounded on the inside of the glass tube.  
  
"Yes but you know how Tenchi is. He would insist that he heard Joker's side before he would allow anything to be done." Washu tried to reason with her daughter.  
  
Ryoko stopped her beating on the tube and looked at Washu sadly. "You are saying that Tenchi would believe some lame excuse of Joker's over me?"   
  
Washu shook her head violently no. "No. I am not saying that at all! Tenchi would believe you. I haven't the slightest doubt of that. It's just that we both know that if Tenchi has any weaknesses it is his overwhelming kindness. He would either try to rehabilitate Joker on his own or insist that the proper authorities take care of the matter. And frankly I don't think either Tenchi or the local earth authorities are capable of handling this man."  
  
Ryoko calming down nodded her head. "Yeah I guess your right. So what do we do?" She asked leaning casually on the glass tube.  
  
"I am going to keep Joker here unconscious until I determine his home dimension and then we are going to throw his worthless hide into a portal and be done with him. I want you to keep an eye on Harley Quinn. Learn anything you can from her Ryoko but don't let her get suspicious or harm anyone." Washu then tapped a key on her keyboard. Ryoko feeling a subtle shift in her body, teleported out of the tube. Reappearing before Joker she caused her energy sword to appear in her hand and glaring up at the limply hanging Joker she said out loud. "Another time clown!" She then allowed the sword to fade away and with a nod at Washu she teleported out of the lab.  
  
Reappearing a few moments later in Tenchi's kitchen, Ryoko glanced around. Not spotting Sasami or Harley, she quickly realized that they must have already left for the temple to watch Tenchi spar with his grandfather. "Great." Ryoko thought to herself. "Now when I show up, I'll have to listen to Ayeka make some nasty comment about how I must not be that interested in watching Tenchi. Not too mention that Quinn might be suspicious why I took so long."   
  
Ryoko suddenly got a grin on her face. Opening a kitchen cabinet she quickly pulled out a large bottle of saki and some saki cups. Ryoko started to teleport but stopped herself. Reaching over she opened the refrigerator and pulled out a pitcher of lemonade for Sasami. Holding it in her arms with the other stuff she then teleported. 


	6. Training and ambush  What an afternoon

Obligatory disclaimers: I do not own Tenchi Muyo or any of the characters contained there in. I do not own Batman or any of the characters contained there in. The characters are the intellectual property of their respective creators. No profits are being made from this fanfic and it's sole intention is bring (possible) enjoyment to those who read it.  
Look both ways before crossing the street. Don't accept either candy or rides from strangers. And your mileage may vary.  
Thank you and please enjoy the story.  
  
Tenchi meets The Joker   
by Weirdbard  
Chapter 6. Training and ambush. What an afternoon.  
  
  
Ayeka carefully smoothed out her kimono style gown and sat herself down on the grassy courtyard of the temple. Looking around, she noted that Ryoko was no where in sight.   
  
"I guess Ryoko's nap was more important to her than watching Lord Tenchi's sword practice." She said with some slight glee.   
  
She made a mental note to someway draw Tenchi's attention to the fact that Ryoko had not shown up to watch him.  
  
"Now sister, you know Ryoko would not miss seeing Tenchi practice unless something delayed her." Sasami mildly scolded her.  
  
Mihoshi nodded her head. "I hope something hasn't happened to her."  
  
"We couldn't be that lucky." Ayeka muttered under her breath.  
  
Sensing the sudden disappearance of the sun's warmth on her back Ayeka glanced back and saw a frowning Ryoko had teleported directly behind her and was blocking the sun's rays from reaching her.  
  
Ryoko ignored Ayeka and glanced over to where Mihoshi and Harley were sitting.   
  
"I'm fine. Just stopped to pick us up some refreshments." She said raising the one hand that was clutching the Saki bottle and some of the cups. The shifting of the contents of her hands almost caused her to drop the pitcher of lemonade on Ayeka's head but she managed to stop it. She spared herself a brief mental thought of regret that it hadn't but with some effort she managed to push that thought to the back of her mind.  
  
Sasami glancing over when Ryoko spoke only saw the Saki bottle. "Saki? I don't like Saki." She said with a slight pout.  
  
"Don't worry Sasami I brought you some lemonade." Ryoko called out and then realizing that the longer she tried to balance the contents in her hands the more likely she would be to pull a `Mihoshi' and dump them, Ryoko phased out to reappear sitting cross legged between Sasami and Harley and carefully sat the bottle and the pitcher on the ground.  
  
"Saki? What is Saki?" Harley never having heard of the drink turned and asked Mihoshi. Harley couldn't help herself. She just kept thinking of Mihoshi and Sasami as friends, even though she now knew that Mihoshi was a cop and thus a potential enemy.  
  
"Saki is a drink from this area on this planet. Although variations of it can be found almost everywhere in the galaxy." Mihoshi explained. "It is made from rice. It has a kind of strong flavor but I think you will like it."  
  
"Maybe like Sasami, I should just stick with lemonade." Harley cautiously said.  
  
"Damn! I was hoping that the Saki would loosen her up so we could find out some things about her and that creep the Joker." Ryoko thought to herself. "I know what I'll try! It always works with prissy princess!"  
  
"Of course. I can understand Harley. I mean if you don't think you are up to trying a adult's drink, perhaps lemonade is the best choice for you." Ryoko said with more than a hint of challenge in her voice.  
  
"Hey! I'm an adult and I have probably drunk as much as you have." Harley said, then glancing at Ryoko she amended. "Well maybe not as much as you have but I have drank my share!"  
  
While Ryoko tried to decide if she had been complimented or insulted, Mihoshi reached out and picking up two of the Saki cups poured her and Harley a drink.  
Mihoshi without hesitation sipped the drink straight down. Harley smelled the clear liquid and cautiously took a sip. And immediately started coughing.  
  
"Wow! That has a kick to it." She sputtered and then being acutely aware that Ryoko was watching her with a smirk, she drank the rest of her cup down. Ryoko immediately refilled it for her.  
  
Ayeka with a humph, reached across her sister Sasami and picked up a cup and held it out for Ryoko to fill it. Ryoko paused for a moment and then shrugging filled it for her. After making sure that Harley's cup was full again she then poured herself a cup and finally filled the only glass she had brought with lemonade and handed it to Sasami.  
  
"Thank you Ryoko." Sasami politely said. "That was very thoughtful of you to bring us something to drink. Wasn't it sister?"  
  
Ayeka eyed Ryoko suspiciously. "Yes, yes it was very thoughtful of you Ryoko." To herself Ayeka thought. "A little too thoughtful. I wonder what she is scheming now?"  
  
As the girls sipped their drinks and commented on how warm a day it was, Tenchi and his grandfather came out of the temple office carrying two wooden practice swords. Stopping several yards away from where the women were sitting, Yosho and Tenchi bowed to each other and the went into some basic sword movements to warm up before going into sparing.  
  
Even though it had been Yosho's plan to have the girls come out to watch Tenchi spar so he could try to get through to the young woman Harley, he was worried that Tenchi would become distracted by them and thus do badly in today's practice. He noted with a little pride that Tenchi was concentrating on his form completely.  
"He will make a superb swordsman someday." Yosho thought to himself.  
  
"I just know that grandfather had the girls come up today so I would be distracted and he could humiliate me in front of them. Well, I'm not going to fall for it today! No matter what he throws at me I am not going to allow myself to be distracted!!" Tenchi thought to himself as he prepared for his grandfather to spring some surprise attack.  
  
Yosho finishing his warm up moves, flowed to a stop and waited for Tenchi with his sword held casually pointing to the ground. He noted that when Tenchi finished his warm up maneuvers that he ended in a alert defensive stance.  
  
"Excellent! The boy has finally learned not to drop his guard." Yosho suddenly realized that Tenchi was striving and concentrating harder than usual because he didn't want to be humiliated in front of the ladies. "Normally I don't believe in putting on a show for others but if this helps Tenchi to concentrate harder maybe I should have the women watch our practice sessions more often."   
  
In the span of a few seconds Yosho went from relaxed old man casually holding a wooden sword to a relentless opponent slashing and hacking at Tenchi's defenses. Tenchi managed to block all the attacks and even launch a few of his own when he could spot a opening.  
  
Ryoko divided her attention from watching her Tenchi fighting to making sure that Harley's Saki cup was always kept full. Ryoko frowned as she noticed that Harley was rapturously watching every graceful move Tenchi made.   
  
"So, how long have you known this Joker person?" Ryoko asked her.  
  
"Huh?" Harley answered distractedly. "Me and Mr. J? Oh I guess we've been together for about six or seven years now. Sometimes it seems like a lot longer."   
Harley then gave a slight gasp and covered her eyes with her hand. She had been positive that the old man was going to smash in Tenchi's head with a mighty overhand slash but at the last second the boy had smoothly blocked the blow with his sword and made a slashing attack of his own towards the old man's stomach. Yosho easily blocked it and the two combatants were again moving back and forth in their fight.  
  
Harley could not explain it. Every time she watched Tenchi she felt a strange attraction to the boy. She had feelings she could not explain. It was almost as if.....  
  
"Can I ask you girls something?" Harley began hesitantly.  
  
Mihoshi immediately nodded her head and Sasami smiled at her. "Sure ask away." Sasami said brightly. Ryoko and Ayeka looked a little more cautious but nodded their heads too.  
  
"Well it's like this..." Harley started and then stopped. "I mean... Oh heck! Do you girls feel anything odd when you are around Tenchi?" Harley finally blurted out in frustration. Harley half expected Ryoko or Ayeka to attack her for her question but to her surprise Ayeka instead of flying into rage only smiled sadly.  
  
"Oh not another one." Ayeka said and looked at Ryoko.   
  
Ryoko gave her own sad smile and nodded her head in agreement with Ayeka. "Don't tell Tenchi but we have come up with a term for what you are feeling. We call it the `Tenchi effect.'" She said to Harley  
  
"Tenchi effect?" Harley said and looked at each of the other women in turn.  
  
"It's like no matter how much you screwed up in the past. Or how much pressure you were under to succeed...." Mihoshi began.  
  
"Or what horrible things you might have done..." Ryoko continued.  
  
"Or what duties or responsibilities you had..." Ayeka added  
  
"They all fade away when you are around Tenchi and all you feel is safe and protected." Sasami finished for all of them.  
  
"Is that what I am feeling?" Harley thought to herself. "Safe? Protected? Like everything in my past I could just up and leave it behind and be happy here? Be happy like the rest of these women and wait around and hope that someday Tenchi picks me to be with?" Harley shook her head and without noticing sipped the Saki that Ryoko had refilled her cup with. "No. My life is with Mr. J! To be by his side! That is until he kills me for a laugh." Harley sadly argued to herself. Glancing back up at the sparring going on between Tenchi and his grandfather she noticed that it had moved very close to where they were sitting.  
  
  
"Tenchi!" Yosho yelled at him. "You are going to have to do better! I almost nailed you with that last attack."  
  
"Well jeeze! You have never used that attack before. How am I suppose to know how to defend against it if it is the first time I have seen it?!" Tenchi yelled back.  
  
"Oh? I see. You think you can ask your opponent in a real fight to please not use any moves you haven't seen before?!" Yosho yelled back.  
  
"Well what do I do if I am being attacked by someone using moves I have never seen?" Tenchi replied.  
  
"Ah! Finally an intelligent question. You should be cautious and if need be run away." Yosho explained.  
  
"What?!" Tenchi yelled. "Isn't that cowardice?"  
  
"Tenchi, Tenchi. It is truly a brave and noble dead man who never runs when face with a fight he does not know how to win. However, it is a wise and living man who knows when the fight should be fought and when it should be postponed. Remember this well Tenchi. If you can choose the battlefield for a fight, always do it. If you can't choose the battlefield then choose the time. If you can do neither then at least know your opponent and his weaknesses. If you can do none of these things then you must ask yourself, should I really fight at this time?" Yosho pulled back for a moment and Tenchi allowed himself a moment to rest, but still in a alert defensive position.  
  
"You must always ask yourself if something is working. If it is not then it is time to change your tactics or move on if you can." Yosho said as if to Tenchi but he was looking at Harley the whole time.   
  
Harley not sure if Yosho was talking to her or Tenchi thought about his words. "Perhaps it is time to think about whether I want to stay with Mr. J. from now on or to make a change?" She thought to herself as she sipped the Saki.  
  
In the sky above the carrot fields, a black swirling cloud suddenly appeared nine feet above the ground. The clouds swirled faster and faster till they became a solid black disk floating in the air. With only the slightest of noises a figure dressed in black armor fell from the disk to land in a ready crouch in the fields. Batman from his defensive crouch quickly scanned the area he had fallen into.  
When Robin had made the last connections to the Joker's machine and had activated it, Batman had had only a few moments to prepare himself before the black disk had fallen on him. Having no idea what kind of world he would find himself thrust into, Batman was still slightly shocked to find such a tranquil and normal looking scene as someone's farm.   
Glancing up he watched as the black disk with a loud crack suddenly faded away. He had made arrangements with Robin that he would turn off the device to conserve power and turn it back on in exactly three hours.  
Batman quickly activated a count down timer on his wrist's gauntlet computer.  
  
"Three hours to locate, capture and return to this spot with Joker and Harley so Robin can bring us back." Batman thought to himself.  
  
As Batman examined his surroundings in an effort to try to logically figure out where Joker might have wandered off to, Batman made a mental note to see about also finding a ladder so they could reach the floating disk when it reappeared.  
Examing the ground Batman quickly located two sets of footprints that only could have come from the large shoes and the pointed slippers of Joker and Harley. They seemed to follow footprints made by simple sandals and headed off in a direction. Batman started to follow the trail when he quickly and without warning heard the unmistakable sounds of combat coming from another direction. Glancing in the two directions, Batman quickly decided to follow the sounds of battle first.  
  
Washu deep in her lab, looked up as she heard a warning noise from some equipment she had set up. Rapidly tapping keys on her keyboard she examined the results being displayed on the screen in front of her.   
  
"Another portal has been opened nearby!" She muttered out loud to Joker hanging limply in her medical scanner. Washu peered at the readouts for a moment. "And from these readings, it matches your home dimension." She said turning to stare up at the still closed eyed Joker. "Friends of yours I wonder?"  
  
"I doubt it." Joker said and then opened his eyes to stare back at Washu.  
  
"What?! You should still be knocked out! That voltage was enough to knock a man out for hours!" Washu replied in shock and took a few steps away from where he was hanging.  
  
The Joker laughed for a moment. "Sorry Doc. Little things like electro shock therapy loses it's effectiveness after a while. I have almost gotten to the point back in Arkham where I enjoy it."   
The Joker then made a sudden convulsive motion with his right arm dropping one of his `special' Joker cards into his hand. Throwing it upwards with a flick of his wrist, the card sliced through the tentacle holding his arm with ease. With several more rapid wrist movements Joker severed all the tentacles holding him and made a mad dash for the lab door was gone.  
  
Washu the greatest scientific genius in the universe looked at the severed tentacles and the lab door which the Joker had just made his escape and said the first profound thing to enter her mind.  
  
"Oh shit!" She said.  
  
Looking up at the ceiling she yelled. "Get down here right now!"  
A long metal tentacle with a glassy like eye dropped down to her level and `looked' at her.  
  
"Why didn't you stop him?!" She asked the eye, which was the optical scanner for the artificial intelligence computers that guarded her lab. A series of high pitched squeals and squeaks were heard. Washu hung her head and then shook it. "Okay, okay! So I did say to only restrain or stop him if he tried to attack me and I never said stop him if he tried to leave!"  
The eye made a motion as if nodding and then slowly pulled back into the ceiling of the lab.  
"Artificial intelligence my ass!" Washu muttered to herself. "I really need to work on them some more. Even Mihoshi would have been smart enough to know to stop him from escaping from my lab."  
  
Batman from his vantage point in a tree near the temple grounds watched the fight between a young man and a much older man. After watching for a few moments Batman decided rightfully so that he was witnessing not a real fight but a training session. Continuing to scan the grounds with his binoculars Batman spied some young women watching the training. He noted the odd appearance and clothing of some of the women and had almost continued past them but then returned to examine them more closely. It took him several moments before he consciously realized what his subconscious had spotted. The young blond wearing nothing but pigtails and a man's shirt was Harley Quinn out of her costume.  
  
Yosho was happy with how Tenchi's training had been going this afternoon. Tenchi had applied himself really hard to the lessons and Yosho could see a thoughtful look on the young woman Harley as well. "Not too bad. Managed to `kill two birds with one stone.'" Yosho congratulated himself. Sensing something he immediately stopped his attack that he had been pressing on Tenchi and stepped several steps backwards quickly.  
Tenchi not knowing what was going on but still grateful for the breather, assumed a defensive stance and waited for his grandfather to renew the attack again.  
  
"Training is over with for today Tenchi. Take the women back to the house." Yosho announced.  
  
Tenchi was confused. While the training had been slightly more vigorous than usual, it was also a lot shorter than normal. "Are you sure grandfather? I am not really tired. We could do some more..."  
  
"Tenchi do not argue! Escort the women back to the house. I will be there shortly!" Yosho said and reaching out took the wooden sword from Tenchi's grasp and turning calmly walked back towards the temple office.  
  
Batman watching Harley as she sat and chatted with the other women became aware that the sounds of combat had disappeared. Turning the binoculars towards where the two men had been, he watched as the younger one headed over to the women, while the older one made slow progress towards the temple structure. Concentrating on the younger man for a moment Batman made sure that Harley was going with the group as they started to climb down the stairs. Swinging his binoculars back to where the old man had been Batman blinked. He was gone! At the rate he had been traveling he should have still been only half way towards the temple structure but now he was gone and Batman could not find him anywhere.  
With a shrug Batman decided to climb down from the tree he had been hidden in and make his way to the stairway leading down from the temple and apprehend Harley there. He then could find out where the Joker was from her and plan his capture of him.  
Batman quickly and quietly slithered down from his perch in the tree and turning around found himself face to face with the older man he had just seen with his binoculars.  
  
"You know if you wanted to watch the training you could have just joined us at the temple. I'm sure we could have found you somewhere more comfortable to view it than sitting up in a tree." Yosho calmly said.  
  
  
Ryoko walking beside Harley on the stairway suddenly gasped and put her hand to her head.  
  
"Ryoko what is it?" Tenchi asked her worriedly.  
  
"Nothing Tenchi. Just got a little dizzy there for a moment." Ryoko said to him. Inside her mind she questioned Washu. "What did you say again?"  
  
"You heard me correctly the first time Little Ryoko. Joker escaped from my lab and is running loose somewhere on the Musaki grounds. Be extremely careful Ryoko! There is no telling what he will do now! Oh! And there is something else too. Before he escaped my equipment detected another portal opening from his dimension. There maybe some of his friends out there too now. Get everyone back to the house as quickly as you can." Washu told her daughter.  
  
"What are you doing?" Ryoko asked.  
  
"I'm using the readings I took from Joker to program my external scanners. It will be faster and more safer than us wandering around searching for him."  
  
"Come on Tenchi! Let's get back to the house." Ryoko said to him.  
  
Tenchi frowned as he noticed the sudden rush Ryoko seemed to be in. "What's the hurry?" He asked her.  
  
"What? No hurry I just thought that everyone would like to get out of this afternoon heat and get inside where it's cooler." Ryoko said not too convincingly.  
  
"My. You are being very thoughtful today." Ayeka said suspiciously.  
  
Ryoko trying to keep an eye on the surrounding forest without Tenchi or Harley noticing replied distractedly. "Well that's just the kind of girl I am. Real thoughtful."  
  
Tenchi not buying any of it stepped back to the step she was standing on and placed his hand on her forehead. "Are you okay Ryoko?" He asked worriedly. "You don't seem quite like yourself today. You are acting almost as if you were expecting someone to leap out and attack us all at any moment."  
  
Ryoko her eyes widening slightly turned to look at Tenchi and gave a fake sounding laugh. "What? Don't be silly. Who would be out to attack us?" She asked while keeping one eye on a frowning Harley.   
As Tenchi continued to stare worriedly at Ryoko, she suddenly heard a slight whistling noise coming from the surrounding forest. Reacting with her super human reflexes she snapped out her hand in front of Tenchi's face and caught one of Joker's razor sharp cards as it hurtled towards Tenchi's head.  
  
Tenchi in shock stared at the card that was mere inches away from his face. As he looked on, he noticed a thin trickle of Ryoko's blood as it dripped out of her hand. She had managed to catch the card but not without injury.  
  
"What the heck is going on?!" Tenchi finally shouted.  
  
"We have to get everyone to safety Tenchi!" Ryoko said.  
  
There came several more slight whooshing sounds as Joker threw more cards at them but these other cards met with Ayeka's forcefield. She had whipped the shield up as soon as she saw the card in Ryoko's hand.  
  
Out of the corner of his eye Tenchi could see that Mihoshi had her galaxy patrol blaster out and was scanning the forest. A part of Tenchi's mind idly wondered where Mihoshi kept her blaster. He had not noticed her carrying it earlier.  
  
"Did you see where he was at Mihoshi?" Ryoko asked the space cop.  
  
  
"No. That green hair of his blends in with the forest too well." Mihoshi replied without taking her eyes off the surrounding forest.  
  
"Green hair?!" Tenchi shouted in frustration. "You mean it's Mr. Joker attacking us? Why?"  
  
Ryoko ignoring Tenchi for a moment looked at Mihoshi. "How did you know it was Joker?"  
  
Mihoshi gave a unlady like snort. "Please Ryoko. I'm a Galaxy Patrol Officer. I sensed there was something criminal like about the Joker at first glance." Mihoshi shrugged. "I just figured that Washu could handle him."  
  
"Washu! Has he done something to her?!" Tenchi asked grabbing Ryoko by her arm.  
  
"No Tenchi. She is fine. He just managed to escape from her lab." Ryoko told him.  
  
"Okay. Now will someone please tell me what is going on!" Tenchi shouted again.  
  
Ryoko turned to stare at Harley. "Yes. Why don't you tell us what is going on?"  
  
Harley could not face them and dropped her head to stare at the ground. In a quiet monotone voice she said. "Joker is an escaped mental patient from Arkham Institute for the Criminally Insane. He is a homicidal psychopath that lives to laugh at other people's pain."  
  
Tenchi his eyes wide with shock. "And you let me take him to my house? My friends and my family?!" Tenchi's eyes widened even more as the realization hit him. "You were a patient of that institute too, weren't you?"  
  
Harley still could not bring herself to look any of them in the eyes. She nodded her head and then replied. "Not at first. At first I was the doctor assigned to help him." She paused for a long moment. "Somewhere down the line things kind of got messed up." She finished lamely.  
  
Tenchi opened his mouth to say something but was interrupted as Mihoshi started firing at something moving through the forest just at the edge of the stairway. Ayeka's force field would stop anything coming from the outside but allowed Mihoshi's blasts to pass through it.  
  
Joker's high pitched laughter let everyone know she had missed however.  
  
"He's heading towards the Shrine." Mihoshi stated.  
  
"Grandfather! I have to go and warn him!" Tenchi said and started to head towards the edge of Ayeka's forcefield.   
  
"No Tenchi! You can't! Joker has a gas he uses! It kills people by making them laugh themselves to death!" Harley said looking up in panic.  
  
"Listen to her Tenchi! He tried to use it on me. The only reason it didn't affect me is that I am not from this planet. But you being half human it might kill you!" Ryoko pleaded with him as she grabbed him by the arm.  
  
"Ryoko I want you to take everyone home. Get them inside and watch over them. I am going to warn grandfather and then I am going to stop this Joker!" Tenchi told her.  
Reaching into his pocket he pulled out sword Tenchi.  
"Didn't you hear Quinn and me? That gas of his might kill you. Let me go! We already know that it won't kill me, it only makes it hard for me to breathe for a while." Ryoko close to panic gripped his arms.  
  
"Yes Lord Tenchi, let Ryoko or myself go. It only makes sense." Ayeka added her voice to Ryoko's.  
  
"I am the police officer here. If anyone should go after Joker it should be me!" Mihoshi added.  
  
Tenchi placed his hands on either side of Ryoko's face and gently carressed her cheek and then with a quick glance at everyone said. "This is my home and this is my family that Joker is threatening. I will deal with him. Now please Ryoko. Take everyone home and watch over them for me." Tenchi said to her.   
Glancing at the others he added. "Ayeka you need to look after Sasami. And Mihoshi? I am relying on you to keep an eye on Harley Quinn for me."  
Tenchi squared his shoulders and walked to the edge of Ayeka's forcefield.   
  
"I won't let you out Tenchi. I will not have you risking your life like this when one of us is a better choice to go!" Ayeka told him.  
  
Tenchi looked over at Sasami and only said. "Look after your sister." And then taking sword Tenchi he touched the edge of the forcefield with it and the forcefield neatly opened a circle in it letting him out.  
  
"Damn that master key!" Ayeka forgetting her regale status for a moment shouted. 


	7. Goodbyes are no laughing matter

Obligatory disclaimers: I do not own Tenchi Muyo or any of the characters contained there in. I do not own Batman or any of the characters contained there in. The characters are the intellectual property of their respective creators. No profits are being made from this fanfic and it's sole intention is bring (possible) enjoyment to those who read it.  
Look both ways before crossing the street. Don't accept either candy or rides from strangers. And your mileage may vary.  
Thank you and please enjoy the story.  
  
Tenchi meets The Joker  
by Weirdbard  
Chapter 7. Goodbyes Are No Laughing Matter.   
  
  
As Tenchi ran back up the stairs toward the shrine, his thoughts were all of concern for his Grandfather's safety. Oh he knew that Yosho was more than a match for Joker in a fair fight but Joker had already proven that he was anything but a fair fighter.  
  
"We would be almost at the bottom of the stairs before Joker attacked us." Tenchi grumbled to himself as he concentrated on keeping an eye on the surrounding forest on either side of the stairs as he ran.  
  
So worried and intently was he concentrating on getting back to the shrine to warn his grandfather he didn't even consciously notice the strange looking pillow sitting on one of the stair steps until he stepped on it.   
  
At the bottom of the stairs Ryoko and Ayeka were arguing. "I am going to go join Tenchi!" Ayeka declared and turned to hurry up the stairs. She was brought to abrupt halt as she ran into Ryoko's arm as she blocked her path.  
  
"He said he wanted us to go to the house Princess!"  
  
"I would never expect you to be one for running from a fight." Ayeka snapped at Ryoko but stopped when she saw the tears running out Ryoko's eyes.  
  
"Don't make this any harder than it is Princess! Every fiber of my being wants to go to Tenchi's side and protect him. But he asked us to get to the house to safety so he would not worry about us." Ryoko squared her shoulders. "And that is what we are going to do!" Ryoko herded the women towards the house. Just as they reached the house they heard a explosion from the direction of the shrine stairs.  
  
Tenchi blinked several times and finally realized that he was hovering in mid air horizontally above the steps of the stairway. Shaking his head a few times to clear it of mental cobwebs he noticed that his lighthawk wings had formed a protective bubble around him and that was what was holding him up off the stairway. Twisting he managed to get back to a upright position and glanced back behind him. Several yards away one of the steps to the stairway to the shrine was gone and there was now a small crater where it had been.  
  
Tenchi recalled seeing a small bright flash and then a much larger one. "Wow. Joker must have planted a bomb on the steps and I stepped on it." He thought to himself. "My lighthawk wings saved me! I guess all that training Grandfather has been making me do must have paid off. I reacted without even thinking about it."  
  
Tenchi glanced around and tried to extend his senses the way his Grandfather had always instructed him to do. He could sense no one around so he allowed his lighthawk wings to dissipate and lightly deposit him back to the stairs. "Grandfather! That's right! I have to warn him! I just hope he heard the explosion and it puts him on guard! Not that Grandfather is ever off his guard." Tenchi reassured himself as he started to run up the stairs again. This time keeping one eye on the steps in front of him as well as the forest.  
  
Washu came out of the house at the moment of the explosion. Quickly opening her holotop computer she scanned the area.  
  
Ryoko and Ayeka were deathly still. All color had fled from their faces as they thought about what the explosion might mean. Sasami was shaking and Mihoshi had started crying.  
  
"Its okay! Tenchi is alright. My scanner shows him continuing to move up the stairs. He's almost at the top of them now." Washu reassured them all.  
  
Ayeka and Ryoko began breathing again at the news.   
  
"Can you find out where the Joker is with that?" Ryoko asked her.  
  
"Yes, now I can. I had just finished with the adjustments to my external scanners to locate him when I came out." Washu replied and pressed a few buttons. "He's at the top of the stairs very near Tenchi's location." Washu told them with a frown.  
  
"That's it! I am going to help Tenchi!" Ryoko shouted.  
  
"No you are not Ryoko." Washu told her. "Tenchi wants to face this challenge on his own. You interfere and he will resent it. He'll think you believe he is a child that has to be protected and not a man."  
  
"Besides he gave us explicit instructions to stay here." Mihoshi added.  
  
Harley looked at the worried and frowning women. "Well I am going. I was never much for following instructions."  
  
Harley took one step and then stopped as she saw that Mihoshi had her galaxy patrol blaster pointed at her. "No you are not! You by your own admission are the Joker's side kick therefore you are a criminal and I am placing you under arrest!"  
  
Harley looked sadly at Mihoshi and then turning her back on her she said over her shoulder. "I'm going Mihoshi and the only way you can stop me is to shoot me."  
  
With deliberate steps Harley started to walk away from Mihoshi towards Ayeka and Ryoko.   
  
Mihoshi continued to hold her gun on her for a moment and then dropped her hand. She liked Harley and couldn't bring herself to fire on her. In any case she would never be able to shoot someone in the back.  
  
"That might work on Mihoshi but you aren't getting by me!" Ryoko told her.  
  
"Or myself." Ayeka also stated.  
  
Harley put on a burst of speed as if she was going to try and push her way past Ayeka and Ryoko and at the last moment leaped into the air in a twisting forward flip over them, the shirt she was wearing flapping slightly in the wind and landed behind them. Without pause she took off running as fast as she could.  
  
"Why that little..." Ryoko muttered and started to phase out to reappear in front of her but was stopped when Washu grabbed her by the arm. "Let her go." Was all Washu said.  
  
"Excuse me Miss Washu but are you out of your mind?" Ayeka yelled at her. "We can't go to Tenchi's rescue but you are allowing Joker's ally to go?"   
  
Washu turned calmly to Ayeka and said. "Just as this is a important moment in Tenchi's life. The chance to prove to himself that he can protect his home and his family. This is also a important turning point in Harley Quinn's life as well. The moment when she finally decides for herself where her destiny lies. To be the Joker's faithful punching bag or to defend someone she cares about."  
  
"But what if she makes the wrong decision?" Sasami worriedly asked Washu.  
  
"You know Washu?" Ryoko said with a crafty look on her face. "Tenchi only sent us back to the house because we didn't know where Joker might be and to keep an eye on Harley Quinn. Well now both of those conditions are gone. We know where the Joker is and Harley is gone, so there is no real reason why we should hang around here now is there?"  
  
Washu looked at her daughter. "That is very good reasoning little Ryoko. I am proud of you." Washu looked at the rest of the girls. "We'll go to where Yosho is. Just don't interfere with Tenchi and his fight with Joker!" She warned them and tapped some keys on her keyboard to locate Yosho's position.  
  
"Hmm, this is odd." Washu muttered. "There is someone with Yosho and according to this he is not from this dimension."   
  
"What?!" Ayeka shouted. "Not the Joker or Harley but another new one?!"  
  
Washu nodded her head. "My scanners tell me that Yosho and this newcomer are at the shrine's office." Washu pressed a key on your computer. "And Tenchi and Joker are.... They are heading towards the cave Ryoko was imprisoned in."  
  
Ryoko came up behind Washu and bending at the waist she looked over her shoulder. She could see on the display a tiny circle with a J in it being followed by a circle witth a T in it. "Joker's blip looks like he is slightly ahead of Tenchi. Almost as if he was..."  
  
"Leading Tenchi toward the rock out cropping that your cave is in." Washu finished for her. "Joker is trying to lead Tenchi into an ambush situation. Come on let's go to Yosho and find out who this new person is." Washu added after a moment and typing for a moment she opened a floating portal.  
  
"I can't believe you Washu!" Ryoko snarled. "I say we go to Tenchi's help. Who cares who this new person is? You are not the least bit worried about Tenchi at all are you?!"  
  
Washu didn't comment but just walked into the portal. "I care very much daughter but I realize something you don't. Everyday Tenchi is becoming more and more indecisive because he believes he has no control over anything in his life. If we suddenly pop in and defeat Joker for him, Tenchi will just give up trying. I really don't think you want a man with no will of his own, do you daughter? I know I don't." Washu thought to herself. "Besides, I have rigged several scanners and have them locked on his life signs. The slightest thing goes wrong I will know it immediately. And then nothing will stop me from coming to Tenchi's aid and destroying that insane clown!"  
  
Ryoko watched Washu walk calmly into the portal and then shot a frustrated look at Ayeka. Ayeka didn't like it any more than Ryoko did but she shrugged and walked into the portal as well.  
  
Sasami yelled, "wait for me!" and dove into the portal after her sister. Mihoshi ran into the portal a moment later leaving a frustrated and angry Ryoko standing alone. "Oh all right!" Ryoko yelled. "But nothing better happen to Tenchi!" And with that she dove into the portal as well.   
As soon as Ryoko entered the portal it closed with a soft plop.  
  
Tenchi was confused but at the same time pleased to see that Joker was not heading toward his Grandfather's shrine but seem to be heading toward the rocky outcropping that contained Ryoko's cave. "What could he possibly want up there?" Tenchi wondered to himself. Never realizing that the Joker was succeeding at what he was trying to accomplish. Mostly separating Tenchi from the others and finding a spot where he could get the higher ground so as to see Tenchi coming and ambush him.  
  
Tenchi knew that the Joker was still ahead of him because every now and then his maniacal laughter would float back to taunt him.  
  
Suddenly Tenchi skidded to a stop as the words of his Grandfather echoed in his memory. "If you can choose the battlefield for a fight, always do so. If you can't choose the battlefield then choose the time. If you can do neither then at least know your opponent and his weaknesses. If you can do none of these things then you must ask yourself, should I really fight at this time?"  
  
"I am letting the Joker not only choose where we fight but when." Tenchi realized. "I also know really nothing about the Joker's strengths or his weaknesses."   
  
Tenchi looked in the direction that he had last heard Joker's laughter coming from. It was now quiet. "Its too dangerous to follow him blindly like this." Tenchi muttered out loud to himself. "I should go back to the others and have Washu help me locate him and then make plans on how to capture him. All I really know about him is that he is a very dangerous individual."  
  
"Very wise of you boy. Pity the wisdom came too late to be of any use to you." Joker's voice called out from the trees to the left of Tenchi.  
  
As Tenchi quickly turned to face the direction the voice came from he spotted out of the corner of his eye two small marble like objects flying towards him. Reacting instinctively, he lashed out with a lighthawk wing sword splitting the objects in mid air. Unfortunately, this only caused the Joker gas contained in them to billow into his face. Before he could stop himself Tenchi took a shocked deep breath, inhaling the gas.  
  
  
Washu blinked several times as she came out of the dimensional portal into the shrine's office and found Yosho calmly talking with a man dressed in some outlandish black armor.  
  
"Ah Washu. I was just telling our guest here that you have the Joker safely tied up in your lab. We were just about to have some tea and then come to your lab to collect him." Yosho stated.  
  
Washu opened her mouth to answer but was stopped as Ayeka popped out of the portal behind her and bumped into her.   
  
"Oh I'm sorry Washu. I....." Ayeka broke off in mid apology as she spotted Batman. "Oh my!" She said.  
  
Washu once again opened her mouth to explain that she had lost the Joker when Sasami bumped into her and Ayeka. As Washu tried once again to open her mouth, Mihoshi came barreling out of the portal and knocked them all off their feet. A moment later Ryoko came flying out of the portal and crashed into the pile. "Hey! What's the idea of standing right in front of the portal?" Ryoko yelled as she tried to disentangle herself from the pile that contained Washu, Ayeka, Mihoshi and Sasami. Ryoko looking up spotted a bemused Batman watching them.   
  
"Hey who is the weirdo in the halloween costume?" Ryoko asked as she finally gave up on freeing herself physcially from the pile up and just phased out to reappear standing a few feet away.  
  
Bruce Wayne allowed a unseen eyebrow to go up. "She's calling me a weirdo?" He thought to himself.  
  
"Ryoko! Batman here represents the law in his dimension and he is a guest! Show him some respect!" Yosho barked at her.  
  
"He's a cop?!" Ryoko asked in amasement.  
  
"Not exactly." Batman's deep voice answered her.  
  
"Oh, a bounty hunter then." Ryoko said dismissively.  
  
"Washu? Why are you not with the Joker?" Yosho asked as the diminutive scientist finally managed to get up.   
"He's escaped from my lab is running loose. Tenchi went after him." Washu explained.  
  
"Tenchi? That is the young man I saw you sparring with earlier, right?" Batman asked turning to face Yosho. "We need to find them. From what I saw the young man can take care of himself in a fight but the Joker is as slippery as a snake and about a thousand times more dangerous!"  
  
"There is nothing to worry about." Washu stated calmly. Summoning her holo computer keyboard she continued. "I have my sensors tuned to Tenchi and Joker. If anything was to happen to Tenchi I would know it immediately. So you see we have the problem well in......" Washu stopped as her computer started to give off a undulating high pitched alarm.  
  
Harley Quinn ran as though her very life depended on it. Avoiding the stairs to the shrine, she ran along the forest. "Its a good thing that I am in such great shape." She thought to herself as she ran. "Course being with Mr. J. tends to mean you get a lot of running in."  
  
As Harley reached the top of the hilly area where the shrine was located she paused for a moment. "Which direction did Tenchi and Mr. J. go?" She wondered to herself. Suddenly she heard a sound that caused the blood to freeze in her veins. It was the sounds of someone laughing, laughing hysterically. And it was not the Joker.  
  
Turning she ran in the direction of the laughter. Echoing through her mind over and over was a single thought. "No not Tenchi! Please not Tenchi!"  
  
The Joker stood over the helpless fallen laughing form of Tenchi. Watching in manic glee as Tenchi laughed till the tears ran out of his eyes and down his face.  
  
The Joker's glee was ruined when Tenchi seemed to regain enough control for a moment to take a deep breath before bursting anew into helpless laughter.  
  
"Either that last batch of my gas has gotten weak or this kid is like that blue haired bitch and is partially immune to the effects of the gas." Joker thought with a frown. "In either case it is going to take far too long for him to die like this."   
  
Joker reached a hand up one of his sleeves to get one of his special razor sharp playing cards so he could slash the helpless boy's throat but frowned again. "Dammit! I'm out of cards!" Joker shouted in frustration.   
Tenchi still laughing tried desperately to pull himself backwards along the ground away from the Joker. He would regain enough control to take a few breaths and inch along the ground slightly but then the effects of the gas would win out again and he was back to laughing so hard he couldn't even move.  
  
"Oh well. There is nothing wrong with a tried and true killing method." Joker smiled at Tenchi and reaching down picked up a large heavy rock. "Hey kid? You ever hear the joke about the boy surrounded by women and the clown?" Joker taunted Tenchi as he lifted the stone over his head. "The punch line will just slay you!" Joker said and then added his own laugh to Tenchi's as he prepared to bring the rock down on the young man's head.  
  
Tenchi fought the urge to close his eyes. He might be going to die but he would face his death like a man.   
Suddenly a figure wearing a flapping white shirt flew into sight and kicking Joker in the face caused him to stumble away from Tenchi, dropping the stone as he lost his balance. The heavy rock thuded into the ground mere inches away from the side of Tenchi's head.   
Tenchi continued to hysterically laugh and he wasn't entirely sure if this time it was all the product of the gas he inhaled.  
  
Harley bent over to check Tenchi but quickly rose to her feet to assume a defensive position standing over him as the Joker stumbled back to his feet.  
  
Tenchi looking up couldn't help but notice that he could see up the long shirt she was wearing as she stood protectively over him. "Sasami must have washed her panties as well as her outer clothing." He thought to himself. Immediately his nose started to bleed.  
  
"Oh this is just great! Not only am I laying her helplessly laughing while Harley tries to defend me and probably gets killed by that clown too, but I also have to die here laughing and with a nose bleed as well?!" Tenchi thought in irritation and disgust.  
  
"Harley girl? What the hell do you think you are doing?!" Joker bellowed at her.  
  
"Leave Tenchi alone! Please Mr. J? You don't have to kill him! He's not a threat to you!" Harley alternated with demanding and pleading.  
  
"You've fallen for this....this.....carrot farmer?!?!" Joker shouted in anger. "Well then Harley, you can be with him. Forever!" Joker said as he started to stalk forward. "Time for you to stop and smell the flowers Harley!" He added reaching up to his lapel flower.  
  
Harley was frozen with indecision. She was no more immune to the Joker's gas than anyone else was but if she ran off, Joker would easily and with great joy finish Tenchi off and then come after her anyway. She had almost made up her mind to gamble everything in a desperate tackle of Joker when both her and Joker heard a voice call out.  
  
"I don't think so Joker!"  
  
Joker turned to see who spoke, even though he didn't need to. He knew that voice well. It haunted his dreams almost every night. Before the Joker could finish his turn a batarang with a cable attached whipped around his body binding his arms around his chest and his legs causing him to fall over.  
  
Harley in shock looked over to the side and saw a black portal hovering in mid air. Batman was standing near it and coming out of the portal was Washu, Ryoko, Ayeka and Yosho. A few moments later Mihoshi and Sasami exited it as well.  
  
Ryoko spying Tenchi on the ground still laughing uncontrolably, grabbed Washu by the arm and teleported with her to his side. "Do something Washu!" She yelled at her. Washu started to open her computer when Batman stepped to her side and handed her a small ampoule filled with a blue liquid. On one end of the ampoule was a needle. "Inject him with this. It is the antidote to the Joker's toxin." Batman instructed her.  
  
Washu opened her computer and did a quick scan of the liquid. "Yes Tenchi's human side is close enough that this will work on him as well as a perfectly normal earthling." She decided.  
  
Tenchi lying on the ground thought to himself. "Is she implying that I'm a abnormal earthling?" His laughter became slightly more hysterical with that thought.  
  
"Quick Washu the gas is affecting him more!" Ryoko shouted at her mother.  
  
As Washu injected Tenchi with the cure to the gas, Batman turned to face Harley.  
  
"So I guess this means we are going back to Gotham now?" Harley asked in a sad voice to Batman.  
  
"Nooo!" Sasami yelled and ran over to her. "You don't have to go back! You can stay here with us! Can't she?" She turned and asked Batman.   
Batman reached up and rubbed his chin. "I don't know. She and the Joker have a lot to answer for in our dimension."  
  
As Tenchi's laughter died down to merely a few chuckles, Ryoko turned to face where the Joker lay on the ground like a trussed turkey. "Don't worry Sasami. Neither of them are going back." Ryoko said as she formed her glowing energy sword. She isn't because I am not letting this guy take to jail someone who tried to save my Tenchi and he isn't because there is not going to be enough pieces to take back!" So saying Ryoko leapt towards the Joker.  
  
Ryoko pulled to a aburpt halt as Harley threw herself in front of Joker's prone form. Standing over his body in just the same way she had tried to protect Tenchi a short time earlier.  
  
"Get out of my way Harley! I have almost decided that I like you but that won't stop me from going through you to get to Joker. Besides, why are you defending him?!" Ryoko shouted.  
  
"Mr. J. is a sick person. I mean the Joker is a sick person. He's not responsibile for what he does!" Harley shouted back. "They locked him in Arkham with the belief that he would get help for his mental problems. Help I was suppose to give him but failed to do! Please Ryoko?! Let Batman take him back to Gotham and back to Arkham. He may someday still be helped."  
  
Ayeka watched from Tenchi's side as Ryoko continued to stand stiffly with her sword still glowing. She breathed a sigh of relief for Harley as Ryoko opened her hand and allowed the sword to vanish. "If I see that clown here again, I will kill him!" Ryoko finally said and then turned away.  
  
Harley beathed her own sigh of relief and then turned to face Sasami. "I have to go back to Arkham too Sasami. I also lost my way and got 'sick' but now I think I might someday be well again but it is going to take time."  
  
"I'll miss you Harley." Sasami said tearfully. "Oh! What about your clothes? They are back at the house! You can't go back to your world wearing nothing but Tenchi's shirt!"  
  
Washu stepped over by Sasami. "Nothing could be easier Sasami." Typing a few keys on her holo keyboard a small portal appeared and Harley's clothing drifted out. The Joker's eyes narrowed angrily and Batman found himself blushing ever so slightly as Harley's panties floated out. They were yellow with tiny black bats all over them.  
  
Harley blushing, quickly grabbed them and the rest of her clothing out of the air. Going behind a large tree she was gone for only a few moments before she came out dressed in her Harley Quinn costume. Except this time without the heavy white makeup and she left the hood of the costume down. "I'm ready to go back any time you are Batman." she stated.  
  
Batman checking his gauntlet computer replied. "We still have 25 minutes before Robin is due to turn on the portal generator in our home dimension and we will have to figure out a way to climb up in the air to where the portal will appear."  
  
"Oh no sense in using that crude old thing!" Washu called out. With a few quick key presses on her keyboard Washu opened another black portal. "This one will take you straight back to the place where you started from. I had already done the computations to find your home dimension from the Joker's dimensional patterns and when the portal reappeared to let you out Batman my computers got the final local position from that."  
  
As everyone looked at the dull black portal hanging in the afternoon's air, Robin's head suddenly popped out of the darkness and looked back at them. Spotting Batman standing next to the prone Joker's body, Robin only said. "I'm guessing this means I don't have to turn on this thing in here, right?" He said jerking a thumb to point back through the portal.  
  
Batman looked down at Washu. "Washu you are a genius."  
  
"That's what I keep telling these people here." Washu said with a smirk.  
  
Batgirl and Robin came out of the portal and walked over to where the Joker lay on the ground.   
  
"My! Don't the people in that dimension dress funny?" Ayeka whispered to Ryoko. Ryoko just nodded her head in agreement.  
  
Batgirl grabbed the Joker's shoulders and Robin got his feet, together they carried Joker through the portal and then came back for Harley Quinn. Robin reaching behind him came up with his handcuffs.  
  
"That won't be necessary Robin. Will it Harley?" Batman asked her.  
  
"No. I will come along quietly." Harley said. Walking with Robin and Batgirl she paused at the portal's entrance. "Bye all." Harley called out to Tenchi and the rest. "I will miss you all and I want you to know that I almost felt like I had a real family again." She then turned and entered the portal and was gone.  
  
Sasami and Mihoshi sniffled and even Ryo Ohki seemed depressed to see her go. Even Ryoko and Ayeka were slightly sad to see the bouncy young blond leave them. But they comforted themselves with the thought that at least that was one less girl to compete for Tenchi's attention.  
  
Batman turned to Yosho and gave a formal bow. "I am sorry about all the trouble this may have caused you all. As soon as I get back to my home dimension I will have the Joker's machine completely destroyed. It was an accident on his part that he found this world and I will do all in my power to see that it is not recreated."  
  
Yosho returned the bow. "Think nothing of it. At least it was an interesting visit."   
Batman nodded and entered the portal and was gone. As soon as he was gone Washu shut the portal down.  
  
"Interesting?!" Tenchi thought to himself. His lungs burned from the forced lack of air and his sides hurt with all the laughing he had done.  
  
"Are you all right Lord Tenchi?" Ayeka asked him noticing his grimace.  
  
"Yeah it only hurts when I laugh." Tenchi said.  
  
  
Back in Gotham  
  
The Joker lay on the cold hard metal bench of the Police wagon he had been dumped in. He was still trussed up in the cable from the batarang. He glared at Harley who sat on the bench opposite of him with her knees drawn up to her chest.  
  
"I'm sorry Mr. J." Harley already reverting to her usual patterns said to him. "Can you ever forgive me?"  
  
The Joker, his scowl only lightening a little replied. "Of course Harley girl. It wasn't your fault. There was something strange about that world that affected you. There is a way you can prove to me that you are still faithful to me though."  
  
"What Mr. J? I will do anything." Harley said looking up hopefully.  
  
"Can you remember exactly what computer cards you pulled out of my machine?" Joker casually asked.  
  
Harley without thinking answered immediately. "Of course Mr. J. I pulled the first seven cards out of the machine starting with the one closest to the access panel. Why?"  
  
"Oh no reason." Joker assured her. To himself he thought. "As soon as I escape again Washu, I will build my machine again and I will be back! And then will see! If my gas can't kill that blue haired bitch or that Tenchi kid I will find something else that will! And then will see. He who laughs lasts, laughs best!"   
  
Harley watched as the Joker started to giggle and then to laugh.  
  
  
  
The End. 


End file.
